Friday, November 9, 2012

Sometimes....

Sometimes it's just too much. I go to sleep instead of working. I watch TV on Hulu because I can't deal with the stress. I'm underestimating my abilities yet I don't know how to change. I've tried lists, prioritizing, library time, etc. Work study has offered me the chance to do homework in a quiet environment which has actually helped a lot. Then there's the 3yo who refuses to use the toilet even though he's capable and more than ready. The dog, the fish (which I hate, sorry), the house, the car, the bills... I'm so thankful that I'm not alone because otherwise I really would have lost it by now. Even the things that aren't my responsibility add to my level of stress. But sometimes...

Sometimes it's all still too much and I sleep instead of dealing. I read instead of coping. I escape instead of facing my stress and working to alleviate it. I know all it takes is a little organization and work to get on the right track and minimal work to stay on that track. But sometimes...

Sometimes I just don't want to wash my dishes and I don't want to pick up the mess my kid made and I don't want to write that math journal entry. And that's where it all goes wrong. The dishes pile up, the messes pile up, the homework piles up. Then the late nights start when I'm up until 3am or sleeping from 9pm to 2am then getting up to catch up on school stuff. But the sink starts to smell and the kid avoids the living room because it's such a mess he can't even play. Sometimes...

Sometimes I'm still that immature teenager who moved out at the age of 17 because I couldn't stand my dad and step-mom. I'm still spending money the second it comes in and not doing my chores. And sometimes...

Sometimes I worry what I'm teaching my kid when I make him clean up his little messes and I don't clean up my own. What am I teaching him when I let his room stay a mess but still scold him when it's messy? I wonder how long I have to change my messy, stressful, procrastinating ways before he catches on and learns the same bad habits. Yet nothing changes and the cycle continues. I make plans to clean house from top to bottom but when the day comes I'm suddenly busy with put-off school work or I've decided it's too much and I don't even try.

Sometimes I hate myself for it and sometimes I just laugh and think, "I'll get better."

Sometimes I don't even think about it. Nothing can excuse the mess that I let accumulate. But sometimes....

Sometimes it really doesn't matter.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Vlog

So I've been considering doing a vlog sometime this week, but I need a topic to talk about. While it could just be the same old, same old, I thought something new is in order since it's a new medium for me. It's so easy for me to type out, delete, re-read and re-write that vlogging kinda scares me!

What do you vlog about? How scary is it? Do you have any ideas for me?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Wanderlust

That's probably not the right word for it, but it feels like that.

I want to drive and keep going.

I want to see the sights, buy souvenirs, and laugh with the window open and the radio up.

I want to see a new town and meet new people who don't know me.

I want to see who I could be in someone else's eyes.

The endless potential of a friendly stranger

But I want more than that.

I want a father for my son.

I want that father to be a good man to me.

I want friends who will come by for coffee. Who want to talk to me and actually do talk to me.

I want to know that even though we're busy we can find half an hour to catch up.

I want to go shopping and not buy anything but try on everything.

I want it all.

It feels like a lot to ask but at the same time like it's not quite enough.

I really am happy with my life.

But for tonight I'm going to dream of open highway, someone special in the passenger seat and my little man giggling from the backseat. I'm going to dream of walking through the fall trees as they shed their gorgeous leaves and of hot apple cider. I'll dream of kisses, open windows and loud music. I'll dream of finding a place where my desire to leave it all behind finally lays down and stops pulling at me.

No matter where I go, there I am.

The only thing I can't escape is myself.

And now you know the kernel of truth behind my wanderlust.

Monday, October 1, 2012

College, Work, Birthday and Life...

Life is very full these days. I'm not complaining because I love it. I'm in school where I belong and pursuing a degree I've wanted almost my whole life. I'm taking 6 classes and 4 are online. Those 4 require a large amount of reading, studying and writing. My education class on campus is a lot of reading, classroom observations of a 3rd grade class and long term projects. I've applied to 4 jobs at school as part of the work study program, too. So I'll have 18 hours of classes, 15 hours a week to work, my son, my family and my home. That's a lot!

But I'm doing well and for that I'm grateful. I'm also proud because I've been working very hard and I've been invited to join the Honors Society once I complete this semester. My next goal is to make the President's List. Honors Society is a GPA of 3.5 or more and 12 or more credit hours and the President's List is a GPA of 3.75 or more and 12 or more credit hours. My GPA is a 3.7.

I know what I want and what my family needs and I'm working on it.

I turned 29 today. :o) This is the last age I'll ever be. Starting next year I will be celebrating anniversaries of my 29th birthday. My best friend Shaggy says I have to at least celebrate "Dirty 30," but I can't make her understand that I won't be turning 30. I'll be celebrating the first anniversary of my 29th birthday. I'm only half kidding. When I was a teenager I thought people being "ashamed" of their age was ridiculous and I still do. At this point in my life, I'm sad that I'm so close to 30 and there are so many things I  haven't accomplished.

But I'm not ashamed. I've earned the candles on my cake and I won't be afraid to tell people exactly how old I am.

That doesn't mean I can't joke about it.

I feel my life coming together slowly but at least I can feel it. I've never felt it before and I have to tell you: It's magical. To envision a goal and watch it unfold at my hands and because of my own hard work is glorious.

You know what else is glorious? The sound of my son singing. He can't carry a tune in a bucket, but he's getting better. He knows about 5 songs and I love having him sing to me. Tonight he "read" me his 5 Wishing Stars book. He managed to tell a story about each page and as I watched his face I kept in mind every blog post I'd ever read about vanishing moments and our babies growing up. He looked so serious telling me about the sheep and what they were wishing for before they went to sleep. His sweet baby voice didn't make me sad or nostalgic. I did what some people wish they had done more of.

I watched him, listened intently and basked in the glow of the boy he's growing into. I was fully present with him in bed as the light from the kitchen shined on his face and he imagined flocks of sheep at night making wishes on stars.

My life is full. I'm tired, stressed out, frustrated, short on time and money but I'm happy. I don't mean to slack off in the blogging department, especially after I wanted to try so hard to write twice a week, but sometimes, life happens.

Today is the first of October. Today is my birthday. Today is fall. Today my son sang me Happy Birthday. Today I scored higher than all my classmates on a test. Today I celebrated my life and myself and it was beautiful.

Hello, October, my old friend. I'm so glad to see Fall is with you. Please stay a while. Linger over coffee on the porch while we watch the rain. Don't leave too soon like the years before. The colors of your garments bring me peace and warmth.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Two Days Late and More Than a Few Dollars Short

Sunday came and went faster than I could get anything done.

Last week I
-Wrote a new poem
-Took a break from potty training (Ick's not remotely interested. Tips?)
-Did NOT get placed for my observation
-Found out my car is falling to pieces
-Practiced my handwriting

This week I
-Will be taking 4 tests in school (!!!)
-Will get organized for all assignments, short and long term
-Will write at least one new poem
-Will get back to potty training
-Will visit at least 2 schools to ask for observation placement
-Will be taking my car in on Thursday to get "fixed" (don't ask)
-Will NOT go insane. (I hope.)


Nothing really new or exciting except the weather. I know I keep mentioning it, but it's so nice out all the time! Rainy today which is perfect for movies and popcorn for Ick and homework and coffee for me! I'm looking forward to getting a lot of stuff done so I can play some EQ2. It's been too long and my paid subscription is up on the 21st. After that I won't be able to use my high level gear lol because my account will be free to play. What was that? You don't know what EQ2 is? We're not friends anymore. ;o)

Is there anything new going on with you this week?

Note: In the next couple of weeks I'll be sharing some recipes that were originally found on Peace, Love and Low Carb on Facebook, but that my sister has adjusted and made her own. I'll post the recipes and link PL&LC's original recipe as well.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Lord, I'm Tired


I go to sleep tired and I wake up tired. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe I'm just really tired! And maybe this is when the college coursework crunch begins. The first three weeks were smooth sailing with very few assignments. Coming up are tests, big assignments and long term projects. I'm nervous, tired, very unsure about how to start a lot of it and just plain stressed out.

Do you see a trend?

I know I’m smart enough to do all the work, and I’m capable of doing all of it. My major weakness is time management. How do I fit in all this work with quality time with Ick? I find myself saying, “Mama has to do schoolwork,” so often that I’m sick of hearing it. I’m terrified of missing so much during these next three years of Ick’s life because of college even though I know beyond any doubt that I’m doing the right thing.

There are also the “normal” life stresses like car and money problems to deal with on an almost daily basis. It’s a lot all at once and a lot of it will be taken care of in about a month. Until then, I guess I only have one choice:

Put on my big girl panties and deal with it!

Have any tips for me?

Note: Title is from the song "Tired" by Toby Keith.

1,000 Views!


Today I reached 1,000 all time views on my blog! I'm so excited! Thank you to everyone for reading even when I went months without posting, posted really depressing things, English essays, and pictures of my little boy. I never promised interesting, only variation! I think I've kept up my end of the bargain.

As much as I'd *love* to do a giveaway, I'm too small (and too varied!) to get sponsored and I'm WAY too poor to buy something decent to give away. However, I'd be happy to spotlight someone else (guest post?) or write a post for someone else. I'll also accept donations for the giveaway. ;o)

At the very least you all have my sincere and enthusiastic thanks and internet hugs! Those are always good, right?

Thank you so much for sticking around and reading. I hope to see another thousand views soon!

"Keep moving forward." -Walt Disney

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Never Forget 9/11/01


If you don't remember what happened on September 11th, 2001, you probably aren't old enough. No one who was old enough to be aware of what was going on has forgotten. But how many of you remember the people  who chose to jump to their deaths instead of burn in the flames? Do you remember the faces of those who sifted through the rubble to find survivors? Do you remember where you were, who you were with and what your first reaction was?

"Never Forget" is a great motto for today because while it will always be impossible for us to truly forget the events of that day, it may be difficult for us to tell our children what happened and how we felt about it. It's imperative that we keep those horrific things in mind especially on this day so that we can prevent something similar from happening either to us or to other nations. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

We have Memorial Day, Veteran's Day, 4th of July and all those other days where we talk about our troops and all they have done for us.

Today, September 11th is a day to remember every day citizens who also gave their lives in the effort to save the lives of their fellow civilians. Firefighters, police officers and other men and women off the street. And not just those who died, but those who LIVED.

((Tough Times Don't Last But) Tough People Do by Trace Adkins)

Today is a day to remember everyone involved in Flight 93, the Pentagon as well as the Twin Towers. 
Through blurred eyes...

Today is when we celebrate the heroism of people just like you and me and their commendable actions in the face of terrifying violence and adversity.

Today is when we celebrate the solidity of our United States.

Today is when we celebrate so that those who did die will not have died in vain.

United we stand, divided we fall.


Monday, September 10, 2012

New This Week...


     Well! This past week was anti-climactic to say the least! The principal of the school I chose for my observation hasn’t called me back and I called her last Tuesday. So I’ll be calling her back. I mean, I know the first week of school is busy and all, but I have stuff to do, too! :P In fact, my first observation assignment is due next week! Other than that, everything went along as I’d planned.


Last week I:
-Found an amazing article for my education class. It’s on neuroscience and how teachers can use what we know about it to teach more effectively. I like to think that Susan Niebur (aka @whymommy) would be proud.

-Wrote 3 new poems and even started a new blog for them! You won’t see any links from here, though, because I want to keep it relatively anonymous. I also found my old poetry and I did post that to my poetry group. Let them read my angst from my teen years, hah!

-Practiced my handwriting a little bit every day. It’s slow goings and I haven’t noticed a change yet. But I know that practice makes perfect and eventually my writing will be the way I want it to be!

-Had to cancel Ick’s birthday picnic at the park! It rained for almost 3 days straight so I cancelled the trip to the beach only to have the weather be absolutely perfect and gorgeous. Of course. So it’s for next Sunday and I hope it all works out!

This coming week isn’t really much different except that, well, the weather is changing. Fall is creeping in the way it does on golden velvet feet. Chilly, crisp mornings and bright warm days that turn the leaves yellow, orange and red. Fall is my favorite time of year, even over Christmas! And I do love Christmas! So as I make my way from class to class on campus, and spend the late afternoons out front with Ick, I’ll be watching the leaves and enjoying the shortest season of the year.


This week I:
-WILL get the classroom observation situation clarified

-Will keep up with the potty training.
“Do you need to pee?”
“No!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!”
“Do you want to try anyway?”
“I don’t wanna try anyway!”
“Okay, well, let’s go pee!”
“Okay!”
You’d think I’d have learned by now to skip the first three questions, but I think it’s important to get him tuned into his body when it tells him he needs to pee!

-Will do better than last week with my homework. It is after 1 o’clock in the morning and I have only just finished my two assignments that are always due on Monday mornings. Since I technically have this post due every Sunday as well, that’s three things that always need to be done by Sunday night. This past week I really put it all off and I shouldn’t have. My bedtime is 10pm, y’all. Sometimes I make it in there at 8pm so I can read my Xanth novels!


What’s new for your family this week? Do you have any activities that are fall-related? What’s your favorite part about this time of year?

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Water Bug!

Dunking his head in the water is a relatively new development. He loves the water more than ever now which makes me extremely happy! See also: screaming.

He's also learning to blow bubbles in the water with his mouth as a beginning activity before learning how to swim. That we'll attempt next summer.

He loves to build things and there's nothing wrong with that!


Ick is enjoying the end of the warm weather the best way he knows how: getting soaking wet in the kiddie pool and the water table. He loves to splash the water out of both so that I have to refill it with the hose. He loves that because I always spray him down. :o) He says, "It's raining on me!"

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Labor Day Weekend


So I didn't post about the week on Sunday because I was too busy ignoring any and all responsibilities! Ick and I played with Play-Doh, built train tracks on the train table his aunt and uncle handed down to him from his cousin, and I played EverQuest 2! It's a double-XP weekend, how could I not? Last week was pretty much business as usual. School was school, Ick's still trying to use the toilet instead of his underwear (ew), and well, that's my life right now! Hah... I did, however, watch some clips by a handwriting expert on how to improve your handwriting. I'm trying to get my handwriting under control as far as uniform size and neatness. Oh, and I joined the Education Club at school! They've got some great events this semester and I'm really looking forward to them. But this upcoming week...

-I have to pick an article from a "scholarly journal" for my education class and get it approved by tomorrow! (Yipe!) I'm having a hard time finding anything, so advice is welcome.

-I have to contact an elementary school this week to see about getting placed into a class to observe. I'm really nervous about that!

-I've got a poem to re-write for my poetry group and I still haven't even attempted it!

-Potty training continues! lol

-I'm still practicing my handwriting on a small whiteboard in my bedroom and in a notebook.

I have a lot of school work to do including the article paper, a book report on an educational book written by a teacher, a paper every week for English and my weekly observations of the elementary class. I'm excited, nervous and scared. I'd appreciate good thoughts, good vibes and some prayers sent my way!

I want to say that I'm so thankful that now my stress is coming from school work and potty training rather than from lack of funds just to get by from day to day.

Final note: I will add the handwriting link to my Resources for Teaching page in case you are interested!


Sunday, August 26, 2012

New Week, New Experiences

     So this is just an attempt a new post subject akin to Thirsty Thursday, Wordless Wednesday and the like. On Sundays I'd like to try to do a short post about the new things coming up in the week that's just about to start. Because this is the first and I'd like to share what new things I've been up to, here's a short list:

     -Poetry group on GoodReads: I joined a couple of weeks ago. I haven't shared any poetry yet, but I'm
anxious to!

     -
COLLEGE! I started my second semester of college last Monday and I'm really excited about it. I'm taking 18 hours this semester including my very first education class! Week after this one I'll be contacting a school in my area for observation of a classroom! YIPE!

      -Potty training. No,
not me, I've been doing that for years now. Hah! Ick is learning the joys of using the potty: Treats for 1, a present for 2. He still shies away from doing 2 on the toilet, but I'm not worried. He really wants to go to school with me (we have a daycare!) so he's trying really hard.

     -Ick's
3rd birthday was Saturday the 25th! It started out horrendous but got infinitely better after nap time. I hope he starts to grow out of his screaming stage soon.

      -This blog. I've put up a new template, a new description and a
new determination to get stuff written at least once a week.

     I know that today I've posted twice but both posts were pertinent and well, I came up with this idea less than an hour after posting about my font issues. I think it's a pretty cool idea. Not only can you talk about what new things are coming up, but you can talk about the new experiences from the past week that you didn't know were going to happen! Kind of like a review and then a preview. I know, genius, right?

     Well, I can't wait to see what new stuff is coming not just in my own life, but yours too! What's coming up this week that's new for you or your family?

Problems with Blogger

Okay, so Blogger probably isn't the one with the problems! I wrote this awesome post about the meaning behind the name of my blog and used a font that is not available in Blogger, so it kind of poops all over itself and some lines are the basic font and most of them are the special one. Wha...? So I'm still fighting with it, but maybe when I revamp the layout it'll work. Provided that font is supported by that template. Wow, what a pain!

Still better than having to write HTML code!

Hope to have it up soon because I think it's pretty great. I should, I'm the one who wrote it. Hah!

Edit: If you find the colors difficult on your eyes, PLEASE let me know! I happen to love the browns, oranges, reds and dark greens that come with fall but I do understand how on a computer screen those colors don't translate very well to your eyes! Feedback is encouraged! Thanks, y'all. :o)

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Coming Soon...



That sounds like something exciting is coming, doesn't it? Well, it is! Okay, it already started for me, but I'm excited to share my new experiences with you. However, I'm a little swamped with all this college homework, baby! I'll be getting down to the business of blogging, or at least the writing part of blogging, later on tonight or this week. I also plan on getting one done every single week. It should slide nicely into my scheduled homework time. If I can't write, I will definitely still do a post but it'll probably just be a few pictures. Think of it as a Wordless Wednesday, but not on Wednesdays. I'm difficult like that.

Quick note: Ick's 3rd birthday is Saturday! I'm so excited for it! This is the first year that he's excited for it, too! He keeps talking about the birthday presents and birthday cake that he's going to get. That makes it a gajillion times more fun for me.

So I hope you'll keep reading. I know I have a poor track record and erratic posts, but stick with me, folks.

Fall is just around the corner.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Adventures in Babysitting: Lessons Learned

I'm constantly talking about how I want to have more kids. I hope to meet a good man, get married and have a couple more kids. Since I'm not even dating (and have no prospects!) this desire is kind of far in the future. I know Ick will be much older than any siblings he may have and today gave me a taste of that.

One thing I learned today: Friendship is beautiful.

I babysat for my best friend Shaggy since it's summer time and her mother-in-law was unavailable to watch Jeremy, her 6yo son. I've known them since Jeremy was only 6 or 7 months old, and he loves Ick since he's known him since before he was born. They get along really well because Jeremy loves to show off what he knows and Ick does everything Jeremy does!

Another thing I learned today: Kids love to tattle!

My sister said, "When I was little I never understood why grown ups said it was wrong to tattle on others. Now I know it's to keep kids from coming to you about every single little thing!" She is so right. It's not about not telling an adult when someone else is doing something wrong, it's about settling your own super-minor disputes.

Something else I learned today: Kids will brave hypothermia to play in a pool in the summer however small it may be.



Now, I don't have a lot in the way of entertainment for a 6yo, but it was chilly, overcast and occasionally rainy so I figured we'd be inside all day. We only spent about 15 minutes outside on the toddler play-set because it started to rain. Less than 30 minutes later I was being bugged about the kiddie pool! I finally relented, poured countless buckets of water into the plastic tub as both the boys splashed it right back out! After an hour both of them were ice cold and shivering.

We went inside to eat popsicles, snuggle under blankets on the couch and watch 101 Dalmatians. By this time Ick was exhausted. I'd woken him up early when Jeremy got here and he spent the whole day on "full steam ahead" trying to keep up with a kid twice his age. I couldn't figure out why Jeremy kept complaining that we were watching a movie until his mom texted me when she got home saying he passed out in the car within minutes and his dad had to get him out and carry him inside because she couldn't wake him up.

Last lesson for today: Ick needs more interaction with kids his own age.

He's grabby, demanding and bad at sharing. He's unfailingly polite, though! After taking something he says, "Thank you!" and if he hears anything remotely sounding like a sneeze he says, "Bless you!" But some lessons only sink in with practice.

Today was rougher than my usual days, but not by much. It only reinforced my desire to have more kids. The age difference showed me how great it can be to have a big brother that much older.

Now, to find a man....!

Friday, June 22, 2012

A Letter to the Editor Regarding No Child Left Behind


Note: Yes, it's long. It's an English assignment with a requirement of at least 900 words. I hope you enjoy it anyway!


To the editor:
     “We're drowning in information and starving for knowledge.” -Rutherford Rogers. No Child Left Behind is a catchy name; it has you imagining groups of children with their teachers looking out for them, making sure they learn everything they need to move to the next level of education. The truth is not so romantic and can actually devastate our society.

     This policy was implemented in my hometown’s schools after I graduated high school. It had been tossed around my school district for years and I heard my parents discussing it which is what brought it to my attention. I didn’t understand it then but the name made me want it. Uninformed as I was, it sounded perfect. It meant not failing a class or being held back. It meant making sure all the kids did well on tests and papers.

     A few years after I graduated, one of my older sisters, Becca told me about how the policy made it difficult for her to give students their earned failing grades. At her middle school, they posted grades online allowing parents and students to see them as soon as tests and assignments were graded. Within minutes of posting grades, Becca would be inundated with emails and phone calls from parents full of arguments like, “You have to pass them eventually, so just pass them now!”

     While I don’t have any specific examples of personal experience, I do have my daily interactions with young people between the ages of six and 25. The children of my friends enter 3rd and 4th grade without being able to read or do math at that level. People I speak to in online forums for parents write like they are still in middle school and cannot express themselves in a way that shows they earned a high school diploma. Teenagers and young adults who hold jobs at my local businesses speak like they learned English just last year when they’ve grown up right here in Utica, NY.

     I have always been one for proper spelling and grammar because it is the language we speak and the way we communicate with those around us. Without good communication you have a breakdown in basic systems including familial and romantic relationships. When faced with ignorance, I try to gently teach the correct way to spell words or express ideas and feelings. Sometimes I’m met with disdain and name-calling and other times I’m met with outright hostility. I’ve asked those hostile people why they choose to remain ignorant and usually I get sarcasm or more hostility. Even intelligent people can look stupid if they haven’t been taught in a way that they are able to learn all that is being given. That applies to more than just English. It applies to knowing the history of the world we live in, the science behind the workings of the world, social studies of the people who populate it and the math we use every day to do simple tasks. The most important thing to remember is that ignorance is not stupidity. Ignorance the absence or lack of knowledge, it is not a name to be called in an argument. Ignorance is the result of an education that caters to laziness like No Child Left Behind.

     One reporter, Sheena Dooley from the Quad City Times in Illinois, talks about how many states are lowering their own academic standards. She reports, “Iowa and Illinois are among numerous states skirting a federal law meant to boost student achievement by lowering the target scores pupils must meet, according to a recently released report. Researchers at the Policy Analysis for California Research, a nonprofit organization, said that lowering standards inflates the number of pupils who pass state tests. Those tests are used to judge the performance of a school, as required under the federal ‘No Child Left Behind Act.’” (Dooley) While allowing states to set their own standards that are approved at a federal level is a step in the right direction, it should go further. Setting the state standard low so that low income, underachieving, urban schools will pass robs other students of higher goals and more education, especially when teachers aren’t allowed to teach more than what is on those tests. Letting specific districts set goals that are approved at state and then federal levels would go even farther to ensuring a more fair assessment of the education that students are receiving and would allow them to tailor their goals based on the needs of local students.

    The same reporter also talks about the gaps in her state’s scores compared to the federal standards, “The study compared fourth-graders' results on state tests with those on the National Assessment for Educational Progress, or NAEP, a federal test used to measure student performance across all states. In Iowa, researchers found gaps of 38 percent and 45 percent in the number of students who passed reading and math, respectively. Illinois mirrored those figures with a 35 percent gap in reading and a 47 percent differential in math.” (Dooley) Illinois is not the only state lowering their standards to make sure their students pass, however. It’s hard not to want to do that when the school’s funding depends on passing those standardized tests, but public school funding is a separate topic. These statistics show that because of lower goals, Illinois and Iowa are graduating students with a lesser education than those from other states with higher goals.

     Upon my recent decision to become an educator myself, I did some research into the subject in order to get a little more involved. I realized the real-life implications are perilous. While my sister refused to give in to those parents, some teachers don’t want to fight parents or don’t have the strength to continue the fight for their students’ education. These teachers will give passing grades to students even though they haven’t learned the material. While this hasn’t affected me personally yet, I definitely foresee this being a problem. Since I am a parent and will be an educator in a few years, I will be actively involved with this issue for the rest of my life.

     Being a parent, I understand the desire to give my child everything. I understand wanting him to have lots of friends, to be accepted and not to be held back or failed in a grade. I know the desire to prevent him from feeling disappointment, unworthiness and other negative feelings. However, his ability to spell common words, do basic math, know the history of the world around him and understand the scientific workings of that world are more important than a few bad feelings. As parents we equip our children with the tools to deal with disappointments and failures and the desire to make their own place in the world. As educators we give them the knowledge to go out into the world to make that place. When you get to college, you get it right or you fail. At your job, you don’t get endless chances to get a task right, you get fired. As a soldier, you get it right or you can die.

     While this issue hasn’t yet affected me personally, I know it will affect me when I start to teach, and when my child starts attending school. You can help prevent or fight against this policy through PTA meetings, contacting the school board and getting together with other parents and teachers who want to end this path towards a “non-education.” No Child Left Behind creates ignorant adults without motivation and entire generations of unskilled workers. Without highly educated people, who has the wherewithal to run a country or further our study of the universe around us? I once thought it sounded like a smart idea, to make sure lessons were taught until every student grasped the concept. Now I know it’s about pushing our youth through years of schooling with a piece of paper at the end that is becoming more and more worthless. An unearned education is not an education at all, merely a 12 year prison sentence to be suffered.

Sincerely,
A Future Educator of Your Children



Works Cited
Sheena Dooley “Report: Iowa, Illinois lower bar on student scores” Students First. 12 January 2006, 25 June 2012 http://www.studentsfirst.us/news/contentview.asp?c=181547

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Meaning of Life


     The last year and half of high school, I didn’t live with my dad and step-mom, I’d moved out. I lived in an apartment paid for by my best friend Linda’s mother. It was her 17th birthday present and just my luck, her mom needed help paying the rent on it. Using money from my retail job, I got to live cheaply in a nice place that was not ruled by parents. Linda and I were inseparable. We played soccer together on the junior varsity team, our friends were friends and she had a car. We spent many nights in that apartment doing what teenage girls do: baring our souls and hearts with the utmost trust in each other.

     This night began like so many others. We played Mario Kart on her Nintendo 64, listened to the same sad Matthew Good Band song on the radio, ate Ramen and talked boys. Suddenly, however, things turned scary fast. Linda was upset about her current interest, I knew that, but we’d discussed his worthlessness so many times that I couldn’t believe just how upset she still was. Linda brought me a pillow she’d been hiding from me. It was covered in words and pictures drawn in Sharpie. She was and is a talented artist but her choice of expression was so bizarre to me in that moment. She told me about each word, line, quote and image. I started to realize how deep her emotions ran and how much she needed me.

     As I began to use the same words I’d used before, she got angry. Linda was afraid of being alone; afraid of being unloved and afraid people would find out just how much she didn’t love herself. Everything happened so suddenly, I don’t remember how she managed to get the large kitchen knife in her hand. One minute we’re standing in the living room fighting and the next minute she’s backed up against the wall in the kitchen brandishing a huge knife in my face. I distinctly remember thinking, “Don’t be afraid. It’s not you she wants to hurt. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let her turn that around on herself. Don’t be afraid.” In that vein, I started yelling at her.

     “Go ahead! You’re really that mad? You really want to use that thing? Well do it, then! I’m standing right here and I’m not stopping you. Cut me if you want, but who else will bother to tell you the truth when you need it and lie to you when you don’t?” She really started to cry then, let me take the knife and balled up on the floor, defeated and defended at the same time.

     After my mother’s death when I was 8, I’ve done all I can for those around me who try to choose death over life. I know what it’s like to be the one left behind and I refuse to be that again when there’s something to be done about it. Linda is now in a loving, happy and committed relationship and following her own dreams of art. I’ve taken my friend Lynn, 30, with Type 1 diabetes to the hospital many times when she’s let her blood sugar get so out of control her doctor said she would have died if I hadn’t brought her. She used to get that way after thinking about her unfair life of pills and shots since she was seven, her inability to get pregnant and give birth and wondering if she’ll find someone who doesn’t care about all that. She’s now taking good care of herself and living her life happily. I’ve prevented another suicide in the form of an ex-boyfriend Alex, 38, who is currently a father-to-be again after 20 years, a grandpa-to-be and an uncle-to-be, all within the next three months. He is also pursuing a degree in nursing to be able to better provide for his new daughter the way he couldn’t provide for his first two children.

     Regardless of my seeming optimism, I’ve never been one to say that life isn’t hard. My own experiences aren’t rare but they have shown me how easy it really is to decide to take your own life. Barely hanging on at the end of your rope with no one to turn to and nowhere to go is a scary place. Even if you only feel like that’s where you are. Suicidal thoughts and tendencies don’t only affect hormonal teenagers like my first experience. They claw their way into the brains and hearts of educated adults with loving families like Lynn. They creep in and settle into the hearts and minds of fathers who feel like they’re not good enough for their kids and don’t know how to change themselves for the better like Alex.

     I’ve learned how to deal with these situations through trial but thankfully without error. I know that I was given those chances with those people for a reason and not just to be there for them. I’ve also been the one contemplating fatal actions. However, these experiences have taught me that no matter how futile we think our lives are, or unloved we think we may be, someone does care and our lives do have meaning. I’ve managed to find my meaning in pursuing a degree to be a teacher. I want to change the lives of children. I want to be the teacher they remember years later as their own kids start school. I want to be the voice in their heads that prevents them from becoming the ignorant youth I see myself surrounded by today. I’ve also found meaning in the eyes of my toddler son. Everything I do, I do for him. No matter how difficult my life gets, I know that when he grins at me and calls me “Mama” I am the entire world even for one small person. Each life has its own personal meaning and only by living will we find it.

Final note: If you find yourself thinking suicidal thoughts or feeling totally alone, please call 1-800-273-8255 to talk to a volunteer who chooses to be there for you. PostSecret is also a wonderful resource for hope and finding others who feel the way you do. Or you can talk to me. I’m always willing give advice or just lend an ear. You can find me at mamapoodle09@gmail.com and @MamaPoodle on Twitter.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I May Be Getting Ahead of Myself...

... But I have been looking up and reading about how to write a good lesson plan. I'm doing background reading, research and finding some amazing tips! So I'm only in my first semester of my associates degree, but I'm just too excited to get down to the business of learning to teach.

I'm taking basic courses, but I'm so excited to get to the nitty-gritty of teaching. I can't wait until the fall when the college's bookstore has more stuff in stock so I get to making my own supplies. I'm going to be the best prepared student when my 3rd year gets here! Hah!

Do you have any good sites I can visit for lesson plan ideas, teaching aids, etc? Let me know! I'd love to create a page for them here on my blog.

Here's a great one I found on Bloom's Taxonomy! Please share your knowledge, I'd greatly appreciate it. You homeschool moms will have some awesome resources, I bet! wink, wink

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sugar Free Mocha

My 3rd cup today! Don't judge...
See how chocolatey it looks? Mmmm!
This is an iced mocha. Just add ice to the cup before anything else!



Are you or is someone you know at risk for diabetes or do you struggle with being overweight? Diabetes is prevalent on both sides of my family as is a tendency to be overweight. While I am not currently considered at risk, I do have diabetic tendencies like I shake and feel weak when I haven’t eaten or not long after consuming too much sugar. I also have struggled with being overweight for about ten years, even more so after my son was born. Many parents know that pain of losing pregnancy weight. With the advice of family, I started doing research on the Atkins diet. I’ve read the book written by Dr. Atkins as well as the new version released only recently as new scientific discoveries have been made since the 1960s. Using the invaluable resources on the internet, I've read about research projects and their findings on how the human body is affected by the Atkins diet versus a low fat or an unrestricted diet. I’ve joined the Atkins online community to learn more about recipes, the struggles of others and how our bodies react to certain foods. It only took a few months for me to realize this was the best course for me. A low-carbohydrate, no sugar diet to improve my health, balance my blood sugar and lose weight. One of the best concoctions that adheres to this diet is of my own design, a coffee drink I call a sugar free mocha.

Everyone likes a treat now and then and it’s possible to have one even on a diet that has sugar restrictions. Sugar free mochas are my favorite drink, hot or iced. It’s a delicious way to start my morning or finish off a rough day without consuming high amounts of sugar.

Before we begin, you’ll need some basic items to make your own. Make sure to have a coffee pot and filters, a cup of some sort to drink from and a teaspoon. As for ingredients, you’ll need your favorite ground coffee, heavy whipping cream or half and half, baking cocoa and Splenda. I prefer heavy whipping cream because it is creamier than half and half, however both have no sugar. Milk of any percent has natural sugars and should not be used. Also, the lower in fat a dairy product is, the more sugar is added to make it taste better.

Consuming sugar, natural or otherwise, will make your blood sugar rise even before you swallow. Your digestive system, starting with your saliva, starts the digestive process immediately. The higher your blood sugar on average, the more at risk for diabetes you are. Consuming natural fats does not make you fat. It is a huge myth that is very hard for people to look past. Your body needs natural fats to function. It will break down natural fats to its smallest building blocks that are used by even your cells. This is the same reasoning for using Splenda instead of sugar. I prefer Splenda to Sweet & Low because it doesn’t have the strange taste of saccharine. Using baking cocoa is also important because it has no added sugar at all.

First, I like to start off with an already chocolate flavored coffee like Folger’s Chocolate Truffle but if you want this at night before bed, just substitute regular coffee for a decaffeinated version. I also like my coffee very strong so I use about seven teaspoons of coffee in the filter to the 12 cups of water my pot uses. When the coffee is done, I get out the biggest cup I can find. It’s about 20 ounces.

Next, using the teaspoon I put two to three scoops of the baking chocolate into the cup and Splenda to taste. For a cup the size of mine I use four teaspoons of Splenda. I find Splenda sweetens more than sugar, but it boasts that it sweetens the same, so be sure to use it conservatively because you can always add more at the end. Splenda is more powdery than granulated sugar so it melts faster and better.

Third, I pour in some coffee but no more than a fourth of the cup. The best way to make sure the chocolate melts properly and doesn’t float to the top is to mix it with just a little bit of hot liquid. I learned this in seventh grade home economics. I stir it quickly and firmly until all the chocolate is wet and well mixed. Once, in a rush, I just poured the whole cup of coffee. It wasn’t so much a mocha as clumps of unsweetened, bitter chocolate on top of a cup of coffee. It really wasn’t very good.

After melting the cocoa correctly, I fill the cup with coffee leaving room for the cream. I add enough to lighten the mixture and take the edge off the bitterness of the coffee. When having a mocha from a coffee shop like Dippin Donuts, I enjoy a little bitterness in the taste. When I’m making it at home, however, I like it sweet and creamy. Remember the chocolate will make the coffee darker than normal so don’t use too much cream. Too much can make it taste thicker than you’d like.

Last comes the best part, tasting the delicious, chocolaty coffee. If it’s still too bitter I’ll add a little more Splenda but the ultimate result is such an indulgence.

If you’ve followed these directions you have a sweet coffee treat that won’t affect your blood sugar and won’t hurt your bank account like chain coffee shops. Dieting in any form can be tough and when faced with something as life-threatening and life changing as diabetes, it is extremely important to adhere to the diet your doctor gives you. However, knowing you can have treats that are as delicious as their sugar-filled counterparts is an important step to sticking to it. I stick to the Atkins diet because it means a healthy future, teaching my son healthy eating habits and a possible avoidance of Type 2 Diabetes. Living a sugar-free lifestyle has given me the opportunity to find and create mouthwatering creations such as this. Even if you don’t have to or don’t want to eat sugar-free, replacing a few things in your diet like a single cup of coffee can help your body be healthier overall.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Game of Thrones

So with all this talk of Game of Thrones Season 2 starting, I thought I'd start by reading the books. I'd heard good things about them, too. I'm just under halfway through the first book and I couldn't hold off. I've watched two episodes and I'm so hooked.


Boromir from Lord of the Rings (Sean Bean) is the main character. I'd be hooked with just him, but no. Mark Addy plays the King which is hilarious! But he's really good at it, actually. You know, Full Monty? Fred Flinstone? Him! Peter Dinklage is THE best man for the job of Lord Tyrion. He's an amazing actor and plays the ambiguous character SO well. And we have the Queen. I hate her. She's incestuous, conniving, power hungry and flat out evil. But I've been in love with Lena Headey since I saw her in 300 as King Leonidas' wife. I hate that I hate her! lol I wish they'd made her Lord Stark's wife, Catelyn. Oh, and don't forget the adorable wolves. Yes, adorable. Puppies, really.

So there are the people that make this show easy to get into. But the story is so full of twists and characters it's a bit difficult to follow. And don't get me started on the vocabulary. Totally alien words but once you get into it, it's hard to return to real life.

I will say that it's a good thing my 2yo went to bed when he did. HBO = foul language and NUDITY! I mean, cheese and rice I can do without a lot of it. I guess that's paid TV for you.

If you were unsure before about watching this show or not, you should. I love medieval stories. It's called Game of Thrones because it's what the characters are doing: playing their game of thrones. It's deadly and it's bloody, but it's all about power.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

11 Things

The Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random facts about you.
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
4. Create 11 new questions and tag new people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

Okay, so my cousin Lena (at Lovin' My Crazy Life) tagged me in this crazy post full of 11 things: random facts, questions she asked and I answered, and 11 questions for me to ask people to answer. This was way back at the beginning of May and I'm that much of a slacker and procrastinator that it took me a month to do it! But here I am so let's begin, shall we?



11 Random Facts:
(Note: Each fact had like a paragraph of explanation, but I cut them out. It hurt! lol)
1. I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was 16.
2. While I love to write I find that I'm incapable unless I'm writing about something that makes me passionate. The subject has to invoke some kind of strong emotion in me.
3. While it's no surprise that I love bacon, it has to be crispy.
4. I always have at least 7 tabs open at all times in my browser.
5. I have HORRIBLE dental hygiene.
6. I'm long winded. *gasp* I bet you'd never guess that one, huh? :o)
7. I love cartoon monkeys. My son's current nickname is Monkey.
8. I've given up work for school.
9. I'm on the Atkins diet.
10. I'm addicted to coffee and Diet Mountain Dew. One reason I don't sleep at night!
11. I love country music. I love the sounds, the lyrics and the people who play and sing them. There's something to be said for being raised with a country set of morals.

Now, to answer Lena's questions....

1. What is your favorite song and why? My favorite song changes often but right now it’s “Ain’t No Reason” by Brett Dennon. If you haven’t heard it, please go here and DON’T WATCH the video, just listen. Then, play it again but this time watch the video. The truths in the words are brought to life in the images and every time I watch it I'm brought to tears.
2. What Biblical person do you feel you relate to and why? This is a hard question for me because I’m not as familiar with the Bible as I probably should be. I’m going to go with the unnamed woman who washed Jesus’ feet. She was the lowest of the low but He showed her love, compassion and forgiveness in front of everyone. It’s what I hope He shows me when my time on earth is done.
3. How many places have you lived and where was your favorite? I have lived in many states, many cities. My favorite was any town in North Carolina. The weather is beautiful and there are four distinct seasons despite what many people up here in Central New York think. I’ve seen the beauty of fall, the snow of winter, the heat of summer and the renewal of spring. The fact that my family was (and some still are) there is the sweetest part of it all.
4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As I barely hit my double digits I wanted to be a mother and a teacher. I’ve the ‘mother’ part done (heh) and I am in school working towards the ‘teacher’ part.
5. Favorite childhood memory? The happiest times that I remember from before I was 8 was waking up in the “middle of the night” and seeing my mother, sister and brother awake doing things that were so cool only because I thought it was so late at night. I’ve woken up to games of Clue and a snack of pickles, biscuit making sessions and more. I loved that I wasn’t chastised and sent to bed every time, but occasionally allowed to join in before going back to sleep.
6. Where/what is your ‘happy place’? My ‘happy place’ is a toss-up. Right off the bat I’d say snuggling with my 2yo (almost 3!), but these days with his awful tantrums and inability to speak in anything other than a whine leads me to say my happy place is in my bed reading while he’s asleep at night. I rarely get enough sleep myself because I relish the quiet after he’s in bed and try to get as much as I can before surrendering to the new day.
7. What is the most annoying toy you have ever purchased for your child/ren? Most of the things I buy for my son are clothes, movies or small toys. Not much room there for annoying things. Those come from his grandparents! But this child will watch Dumbo a hundred times a day every single day unless I urge him to watch something else. Granted there are only 4 movies on VHS and one of them he broke (Beauty and the Beast! And he won’t stop asking to watch it, the heathen! ;o)), but I’m constantly asking if we can watch Hercules or the Grinch instead.
8. What is your favorite genre of books to read? I have a wide range of interests when it comes to books lately thanks to my Nook and Barnes and Noble’s free eBooks, but the kind easiest for me to get into is science fiction. It’s what I grew up reading from my dad’s personal library and it’s always been easy for me to look ahead to the stars and the far future to a strange yet familiar world(s).
9. Dogs or cats? Oh definitely cats. I love dachshunds but cats will always be my favorite. I love the way they can curl up to half their size or stretch out to twice their length. My son also has an absurd love of cats and fear of dogs. My sister’s dachshund George he loves and mildly terrorizes, but other dogs make him run in unsure fear while cats he will immediately try to pet, hold or love on.
10. What do you hope to achieve by writing a blog? Mostly I write for myself or to share my thoughts on things with whoever reads. Mostly I’d like to show others in my situation (of a single parent) that not only are they not alone, what they’re doing isn’t “wrong” regardless of past choices. My bad decisions have been made by not just me but by countless others. We all fail, we all have triumphs, but we’re all also together. This isn’t a competition, it’s a team sport. Most importantly, I hope to make a change in the life of at least one person. If I make their day just a little brighter, if somehow my words encourage them to do something they hadn’t decided to do to make their lives better, or if it’s nothing more than, “Wow. So it’s not just me?” I’ll be okay with that.
11. Introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between? Um… LOL Both? Majorly both at the same time? I talk so much it’s insane, but what goes on inside my head is nothing compared the amount of words that pass my lips. There are definitely people who think they know me since I’m so free with what I share, but it’s certainly the tip of the iceberg. Online where I can hide behind my screen I’m quite the extrovert. In social situations, I fade into the background still as unsure of myself as I was at 13.


Okay, listed below are the 11 questions I'd like to see answered. Some of them are quite personal. I ask them because they are things I'd love to know about you but if you're not comfortable answering any of them, just say so and leave it at that. :o)


1. If you have kids, what do you find yourself saying to them that your parents said to you that you swore you'd never say? If you don't have kids, same question but instead of "to your kids," "to other people?"
2. What is your favorite (relatively recent) picture of you? Why?
3. Name one parenting topic that really gets you going? Do you side with the majority, the minority, or no one?
4. What is your guilty pleasure? Be honest!
5. How often do you mop in your house? LOL
6. Are you happy in your relationship (or lack thereof)? If not, what do you wish you had the guts to do to change it?
7. When was the last time you watched a sunset or wished on a star with all your heart?
8. What's one of your biggest fears in regards to your child(ren) or future child(ren)? If no kids (and don't want them), how about a fear for your future?
9. I'm gonna borrow some words from Jewel here and ask if you could tell the world one thing, what would it be?
10. When was the last time you saw a movie in a theater sans kids? Is there one out or coming soon you really want to see?
11. When you feel sad or down, what do you do to cheer yourself up?


I'm picking some people I regularly interact with on Twitter and Facebook since I hear from them most often. Some I don't really interact with, but I'd love to see their responses to my questions!

Monique at Razing Mayhem @MayhemMatriarch

Liz at Six Year Itch @sixyearitch
Jen at A Day In the Life...
Keri at Quick-Witted and Witty @skeri
The Biz at And All That Biz @That_Biz (edit: SHE'S BACK on Twitter! YAY!)
Brooke at Some Days Is Like That @SchoolmarmDE
Michael at A Daddy Blog @adaddyblog


Anyone else who happens upon this blog is welcome to respond via their own post or merely answer the questions in the comments. I think these questions can reveal a lot while still allowing you to keep your mystery... ;o)