Inspiration

I've been caught up in Kid President's inspiring speeches. Some of my absolute favorite quotes are:

"Do something every day to give someone a reason to dance!" - Kid President

"You're made from love, to be loved, to spread love!" Kid President

So I've decided to embark on a project of sorts.... For the month of February, I am going to find one thing every day to dance about. Happy dance, victory dance, silly dance, whatever. At least once a day I'm going to dance about something. Hopefully it'll help give me a more positive outlook on my life and give perspective on the small things that drive me insane.

During this project, I will try to get pictures or videos of my silliness. If I don't, it's because there was no one to see it or no one but my 4 year old!

Unfortunately my blog is often neglected but that's because I'm too busy rocking my college classes! Hah! I'm also a club president, full-time supplemental instructor at the college and a part time tutor. I've got a lot on my plate right now. Even my kid asks me not to go to work half the time.

We all do what we have to in order to make the world more awesome. I'm going to dance. Maybe other people will make fun of me but maybe some will see how much fun I'm having and will join in!

I'd love it if you joined in!

Like the Plague...

I don't mean to avoid writing...

I've been in school for almost a full 365 days. I started taking classes last May in the summer semester and have just now completed the spring semester.

For a year I tried to keep up this blog. For a year I thought I could do it all: school, Mom, blog, house, and everything else that goes along with those, but it's become clear that I can't.

Now that I have time, there's this irrational fear of writing anything. I find good topics all the time. I have ideas constantly. But the moment I sit at my computer, it's 100% avoidance of anything real. I play FB games, watch episodes of Kitchen Nightmares and Grey's Anatomy.

I don't know what I'm afraid of or why I seem to have given up. I hope I can break through this weird self-imposed block soon.

In the meantime, thanks so much for sticking around. You're so sweet.

Science Collides With God

As many of you know, my major in college is Early Childhood and Elementary Education ages Birth through 6th Grade. I'm currently taking a Child Development course and an Infant and Toddler Development course. The Child Dev course is the prereq for Infant/Toddler Dev but my advisor/education teacher said he thinks I can handle it and has allowed me to take them at the same time.

At this point in the semester, both classes are looking at the same time frame in the life of children: prenatal through 3 months of age. We have been watching some amazing videos that require a log in for the site the school uses. However, I've found two segments on YouTube and I'm sharing them here. (Please feel free to find the Films on Demand website and see if you are able to sign up.)

There is one such video called "Horizon: The Nine Months That Made You (from BBC Two)." It is an outrageously interesting video that relates the nine months we spend in the womb to future health problems. For instance, low birth weight but high body fat at birth will almost certainly lead to Type 2 Diabetes regardless of the choices you make as an adult. Don't dismiss this information as hooey right off the bat.

The only two segments I could find are not related to the mentioned study (I will absolutely find out all I can and share it with you), but they are interesting on their own merits.

Pre-pregnancy and prenatal care is so vital to create healthy adults. It's amazing the things that science can discover given the curiosity and drive of the human mind.



Is Our Future Determined From Birth? - Horizon: The Nine Months That Made You, BBC Two
The above video is about Dr. Barker who first made the connections between low birth weight and future health problems.



The Personality Question - Horizon: The Nine Months That Made You, BBC Two
The above video is about a doctor's study on personality from the womb to childhood. It's funny and adorable. It's also incredibly thought provoking.

Note: If the videos don't work, please let me know.


I've titled this post, "Science Collides with God" because I personally take away some spiritual implications. If you don't, that's fine. As science progresses, it continually finds itself hitting a wall of unexplainable things. As humans continue to evolve (yeah, I said it, Christian and all!), we will continue to push those boundaries between science and God. We are closer than we were in the Middle Ages and we aren't as close as we will be in 300 years.

If you are not religious or spiritual and you clicked this post anyway, thank you. I hope you enjoyed these short clips and I hope you take away how important it is to take care of our children from before they're even a twinkle in our eyes.

Ultimately, what do you think of the studies presented here?

Citation:
The Nine Months That Made You: Pregnancy and Human Development. Films Media Group, 2011.Films On Demand. Web. 09 February 2013. < http://digital.films.com/PortalPlaylists.aspx?aid=10690&xtid=48258 >.

I haven't forgotten about you...

... But I just haven't had the time or inspiration to post anything.

However, I've decided that it doesn't matter right now. I have to write something or explode. I'm not taking an English class this semester so I don't have a major creative outlet. I do have some awesome news, though!

I've been invited to join the Honor Society also known as Phi Theta Kappa. Phi Theta Kappa is the national honor society for two-year colleges. This a big deal for me because I've never been in an honor society. High school was nothing more than a prison in which to bide my time and pray for release.

I have also gotten permission to take the next education class in addition to its pre-requisite I'm currently taking. So next semester I will be a little bit ahead of the game. Both classes require 15 hours of observation of infants/toddlers and preschoolers making it a total of 30 hours (they can't both count for the same time unfortunately). I've also joined the education club at school giving me some great experience and resume padding.

And finally, I'm also tutoring with my school's Learning Center. I'm part of a new program called "Supplemental Instruction." The developmental math class can be taken as a regular class or as a "lab" class where you work at your own pace. Because the teacher spends so much time grading and students can have questions on any of the 6 chapters, the school has decided to put tutors in some of the lab classes and see how it works. For me, it's a wonderful opportunity to work on my teaching skills. For the students, they get another person to help them instead of having to wait for the however many people in front of them to get their turn.

Basically, I'm at school from 9am to 5:30pm almost every weekday. That doesn't include study time and homework time or my one online class. 19.5 credit hours, 30 hours of observation (over the course of the semester), 10 hours/week for work study, 9 hours/week for tutoring, one hour a month for club meetings (not counting the events that we schedule and participate in like the three day conference), and all of the extra-curriculars that go into being a member of the Honor Society. And no way on earth could I forget my kid, that loud, rambunctious 3-year-old.

I think I might have my hands full.

In the time since I last mentioned anything about my life:

- I edited a book for classmate. She is self-publishing and it will be available in paperback and ebook format in 6-8 weeks. It's a Christian novella about a girl who is in the depths of her personal hell. Through the love of God and His followers, she is brought to know Christ and the forgiveness He offers.

-I tutored a gentleman who is studying for his physician's assistant boards. It was wildly unsuccessful. His ad said he needed someone to grade practice tests and write out flashcards. That is NOTHING near what he asked me to do. But he and I agreed that I couldn't continue due to my own obligations and my ignorance of the material.

-Christmas happened. It was sad in one way and happily glorious in every other way. I can't wait until a Christmas comes where I can actually buy gifts for my son and any other family who may be with me.

-New Years happened. I believe I was asleep before 11pm.

-I worked at the college over the break despite the job being for work study. Usually the job ends when finals start and doesn't start again until the next semester but they got permission to let me work over the break. It was mostly fun and at times boring.

THE most exciting part of what's been happening:

ICK IS POTTY TRAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One day I said, "We don't have any diapers for the daytime, only for the nighttime." He took it in stride and had ONE accident and ONE purposeful poop in his undies.

Last weekend I let him nap in his undies. SUCCESS! The last three nights he's slept in his undies. SUCCESS!!!!

I cannot be ANY happier! I have a HUGE bag of unused diapers and I know just who to give it to! I can finally get those nasty things out of my house!

The length of this post is why I should never go months without writing. Thanks for sticking around. Those of you who read this are my inspiration for continuing the work that is college, especially for a single mom and a woman who is older than most of her instructors. You are my inspiration for overcoming my fears of inferiority and knowing that I *can* do this. Not just for me but for my adorably obnoxious son! So thank you for reading and giving such wonderful encouragement.

Sometimes....

Sometimes it's just too much. I go to sleep instead of working. I watch TV on Hulu because I can't deal with the stress. I'm underestimating my abilities yet I don't know how to change. I've tried lists, prioritizing, library time, etc. Work study has offered me the chance to do homework in a quiet environment which has actually helped a lot. Then there's the 3yo who refuses to use the toilet even though he's capable and more than ready. The dog, the fish (which I hate, sorry), the house, the car, the bills... I'm so thankful that I'm not alone because otherwise I really would have lost it by now. Even the things that aren't my responsibility add to my level of stress. But sometimes...

Sometimes it's all still too much and I sleep instead of dealing. I read instead of coping. I escape instead of facing my stress and working to alleviate it. I know all it takes is a little organization and work to get on the right track and minimal work to stay on that track. But sometimes...

Sometimes I just don't want to wash my dishes and I don't want to pick up the mess my kid made and I don't want to write that math journal entry. And that's where it all goes wrong. The dishes pile up, the messes pile up, the homework piles up. Then the late nights start when I'm up until 3am or sleeping from 9pm to 2am then getting up to catch up on school stuff. But the sink starts to smell and the kid avoids the living room because it's such a mess he can't even play. Sometimes...

Sometimes I'm still that immature teenager who moved out at the age of 17 because I couldn't stand my dad and step-mom. I'm still spending money the second it comes in and not doing my chores. And sometimes...

Sometimes I worry what I'm teaching my kid when I make him clean up his little messes and I don't clean up my own. What am I teaching him when I let his room stay a mess but still scold him when it's messy? I wonder how long I have to change my messy, stressful, procrastinating ways before he catches on and learns the same bad habits. Yet nothing changes and the cycle continues. I make plans to clean house from top to bottom but when the day comes I'm suddenly busy with put-off school work or I've decided it's too much and I don't even try.

Sometimes I hate myself for it and sometimes I just laugh and think, "I'll get better."

Sometimes I don't even think about it. Nothing can excuse the mess that I let accumulate. But sometimes....

Sometimes it really doesn't matter.

College, Work, Birthday and Life...

Life is very full these days. I'm not complaining because I love it. I'm in school where I belong and pursuing a degree I've wanted almost my whole life. I'm taking 6 classes and 4 are online. Those 4 require a large amount of reading, studying and writing. My education class on campus is a lot of reading, classroom observations of a 3rd grade class and long term projects. I've applied to 4 jobs at school as part of the work study program, too. So I'll have 18 hours of classes, 15 hours a week to work, my son, my family and my home. That's a lot!

But I'm doing well and for that I'm grateful. I'm also proud because I've been working very hard and I've been invited to join the Honors Society once I complete this semester. My next goal is to make the President's List. Honors Society is a GPA of 3.5 or more and 12 or more credit hours and the President's List is a GPA of 3.75 or more and 12 or more credit hours. My GPA is a 3.7.

I know what I want and what my family needs and I'm working on it.

I turned 29 today. :o) This is the last age I'll ever be. Starting next year I will be celebrating anniversaries of my 29th birthday. My best friend Shaggy says I have to at least celebrate "Dirty 30," but I can't make her understand that I won't be turning 30. I'll be celebrating the first anniversary of my 29th birthday. I'm only half kidding. When I was a teenager I thought people being "ashamed" of their age was ridiculous and I still do. At this point in my life, I'm sad that I'm so close to 30 and there are so many things I  haven't accomplished.

But I'm not ashamed. I've earned the candles on my cake and I won't be afraid to tell people exactly how old I am.

That doesn't mean I can't joke about it.

I feel my life coming together slowly but at least I can feel it. I've never felt it before and I have to tell you: It's magical. To envision a goal and watch it unfold at my hands and because of my own hard work is glorious.

You know what else is glorious? The sound of my son singing. He can't carry a tune in a bucket, but he's getting better. He knows about 5 songs and I love having him sing to me. Tonight he "read" me his 5 Wishing Stars book. He managed to tell a story about each page and as I watched his face I kept in mind every blog post I'd ever read about vanishing moments and our babies growing up. He looked so serious telling me about the sheep and what they were wishing for before they went to sleep. His sweet baby voice didn't make me sad or nostalgic. I did what some people wish they had done more of.

I watched him, listened intently and basked in the glow of the boy he's growing into. I was fully present with him in bed as the light from the kitchen shined on his face and he imagined flocks of sheep at night making wishes on stars.

My life is full. I'm tired, stressed out, frustrated, short on time and money but I'm happy. I don't mean to slack off in the blogging department, especially after I wanted to try so hard to write twice a week, but sometimes, life happens.

Today is the first of October. Today is my birthday. Today is fall. Today my son sang me Happy Birthday. Today I scored higher than all my classmates on a test. Today I celebrated my life and myself and it was beautiful.

Hello, October, my old friend. I'm so glad to see Fall is with you. Please stay a while. Linger over coffee on the porch while we watch the rain. Don't leave too soon like the years before. The colors of your garments bring me peace and warmth.

Two Days Late and More Than a Few Dollars Short

Sunday came and went faster than I could get anything done.

Last week I
-Wrote a new poem
-Took a break from potty training (Ick's not remotely interested. Tips?)
-Did NOT get placed for my observation
-Found out my car is falling to pieces
-Practiced my handwriting

This week I
-Will be taking 4 tests in school (!!!)
-Will get organized for all assignments, short and long term
-Will write at least one new poem
-Will get back to potty training
-Will visit at least 2 schools to ask for observation placement
-Will be taking my car in on Thursday to get "fixed" (don't ask)
-Will NOT go insane. (I hope.)


Nothing really new or exciting except the weather. I know I keep mentioning it, but it's so nice out all the time! Rainy today which is perfect for movies and popcorn for Ick and homework and coffee for me! I'm looking forward to getting a lot of stuff done so I can play some EQ2. It's been too long and my paid subscription is up on the 21st. After that I won't be able to use my high level gear lol because my account will be free to play. What was that? You don't know what EQ2 is? We're not friends anymore. ;o)

Is there anything new going on with you this week?

Note: In the next couple of weeks I'll be sharing some recipes that were originally found on Peace, Love and Low Carb on Facebook, but that my sister has adjusted and made her own. I'll post the recipes and link PL&LC's original recipe as well.

Lord, I'm Tired

I go to sleep tired and I wake up tired. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe I'm just really tired! And maybe this is when the college coursework crunch begins. The first three weeks were smooth sailing with very few assignments. Coming up are tests, big assignments and long term projects. I'm nervous, tired, very unsure about how to start a lot of it and just plain stressed out.

Do you see a trend?

I know I’m smart enough to do all the work, and I’m capable of doing all of it. My major weakness is time management. How do I fit in all this work with quality time with Ick? I find myself saying, “Mama has to do schoolwork,” so often that I’m sick of hearing it. I’m terrified of missing so much during these next three years of Ick’s life because of college even though I know beyond any doubt that I’m doing the right thing.

There are also the “normal” life stresses like car and money problems to deal with on an almost daily basis. It’s a lot all at once and a lot of it will be taken care of in about a month. Until then, I guess I only have one choice:

Put on my big girl panties and deal with it!

Have any tips for me?

Note: Title is from the song "Tired" by Toby Keith.

New This Week...

     Well! This past week was anti-climactic to say the least! The principal of the school I chose for my observation hasn’t called me back and I called her last Tuesday. So I’ll be calling her back. I mean, I know the first week of school is busy and all, but I have stuff to do, too! :P In fact, my first observation assignment is due next week! Other than that, everything went along as I’d planned.

Last week I:

-Found an amazing article for my education class. It’s on neuroscience and how teachers can use what we know about it to teach more effectively. I like to think that Susan Niebur (aka @whymommy) would be proud.

-Wrote 3 new poems and even started a new blog for them! You won’t see any links from here, though, because I want to keep it relatively anonymous. I also found my old poetry and I did post that to my poetry group. Let them read my angst from my teen years, hah!

-Practiced my handwriting a little bit every day. It’s slow goings and I haven’t noticed a change yet. But I know that practice makes perfect and eventually my writing will be the way I want it to be!

-Had to cancel Ick’s birthday picnic at the park! It rained for almost 3 days straight so I cancelled the trip to the beach only to have the weather be absolutely perfect and gorgeous. Of course. So it’s for next Sunday and I hope it all works out!

This coming week isn’t really much different except that, well, the weather is changing. Fall is creeping in the way it does on golden velvet feet. Chilly, crisp mornings and bright warm days that turn the leaves yellow, orange and red. Fall is my favorite time of year, even over Christmas! And I do love Christmas! So as I make my way from class to class on campus, and spend the late afternoons out front with Ick, I’ll be watching the leaves and enjoying the shortest season of the year.

This week I:

-WILL get the classroom observation situation clarified

-Will keep up with the potty training.

“Do you need to pee?”

“No!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

“Do you want to try anyway?”

“I don’t wanna try anyway!”

“Okay, well, let’s go pee!”

“Okay!”

You’d think I’d have learned by now to skip the first three questions, but I think it’s important to get him tuned into his body when it tells him he needs to pee!

-Will do better than last week with my homework. It is after 1 o’clock in the morning and I have only just finished my two assignments that are always due on Monday mornings. Since I technically have this post due every Sunday as well, that’s three things that always need to be done by Sunday night. This past week I really put it all off and I shouldn’t have. My bedtime is 10pm, y’all. Sometimes I make it in there at 8pm so I can read my Xanth novels!

What’s new for your family this week? Do you have any activities that are fall-related? What’s your favorite part about this time of year?

Labor Day Weekend

So I didn't post about the week on Sunday because I was too busy ignoring any and all responsibilities! Ick and I played with Play-Doh, built train tracks on the train table his aunt and uncle handed down to him from his cousin, and I played EverQuest 2! It's a double-XP weekend, how could I not? Last week was pretty much business as usual. School was school, Ick's still trying to use the toilet instead of his underwear (ew), and well, that's my life right now! Hah... I did, however, watch some clips by a handwriting expert on how to improve your handwriting. I'm trying to get my handwriting under control as far as uniform size and neatness. Oh, and I joined the Education Club at school! They've got some great events this semester and I'm really looking forward to them. But this upcoming week...

-I have to pick an article from a "scholarly journal" for my education class and get it approved by tomorrow! (Yipe!) I'm having a hard time finding anything, so advice is welcome.

-I have to contact an elementary school this week to see about getting placed into a class to observe. I'm really nervous about that!

-I've got a poem to re-write for my poetry group and I still haven't even attempted it!

-Potty training continues! lol

-I'm still practicing my handwriting on a small whiteboard in my bedroom and in a notebook.

I have a lot of school work to do including the article paper, a book report on an educational book written by a teacher, a paper every week for English and my weekly observations of the elementary class. I'm excited, nervous and scared. I'd appreciate good thoughts, good vibes and some prayers sent my way!

I want to say that I'm so thankful that now my stress is coming from school work and potty training rather than from lack of funds just to get by from day to day.

Final note: I will add the handwriting link to my Resources for Teaching page in case you are interested!

New Week, New Experiences

     So this is just an attempt a new post subject akin to Thirsty Thursday, Wordless Wednesday and the like. On Sundays I'd like to try to do a short post about the new things coming up in the week that's just about to start. Because this is the first and I'd like to share what new things I've been up to, here's a short list:

     -Poetry group on GoodReads: I joined a couple of weeks ago. I haven't shared any poetry yet, but I'm anxious to!

     -COLLEGE! I started my second semester of college last Monday and I'm really excited about it. I'm taking 18 hours this semester including my very first education class! Week after this one I'll be contacting a school in my area for observation of a classroom! YIPE!

      -Potty training. No, not me, I've been doing that for years now. Hah! Ick is learning the joys of using the potty: Treats for 1, a present for 2. He still shies away from doing 2 on the toilet, but I'm not worried. He really wants to go to school with me (we have a daycare!) so he's trying really hard.

     -Ick's 3rd birthday was Saturday the 25th! It started out horrendous but got infinitely better after nap time. I hope he starts to grow out of his screaming stage soon.

      -This blog. I've put up a new template, a new description and a new determination to get stuff written at least once a week.

     I know that today I've posted twice but both posts were pertinent and well, I came up with this idea less than an hour after posting about my font issues. I think it's a pretty cool idea. Not only can you talk about what new things are coming up, but you can talk about the new experiences from the past week that you didn't know were going to happen! Kind of like a review and then a preview. I know, genius, right?

     Well, I can't wait to see what new stuff is coming not just in my own life, but yours too! What's coming up this week that's new for you or your family?

Coming Soon...

That sounds like something exciting is coming, doesn't it? Well, it is! Okay, it already started for me, but I'm excited to share my new experiences with you. However, I'm a little swamped with all this college homework, baby! I'll be getting down to the business of blogging, or at least the writing part of blogging, later on tonight or this week. I also plan on getting one done every single week. It should slide nicely into my scheduled homework time. If I can't write, I will definitely still do a post but it'll probably just be a few pictures. Think of it as a Wordless Wednesday, but not on Wednesdays. I'm difficult like that.

Quick note: Ick's 3rd birthday is Saturday! I'm so excited for it! This is the first year that he's excited for it, too! He keeps talking about the birthday presents and birthday cake that he's going to get. That makes it a gajillion times more fun for me.

So I hope you'll keep reading. I know I have a poor track record and erratic posts, but stick with me, folks.

Fall is just around the corner.

I May Be Getting Ahead of Myself...

... But I have been looking up and reading about how to write a good lesson plan. I'm doing background reading, research and finding some amazing tips! So I'm only in my first semester of my associates degree, but I'm just too excited to get down to the business of learning to teach.

I'm taking basic courses, but I'm so excited to get to the nitty-gritty of teaching. I can't wait until the fall when the college's bookstore has more stuff in stock so I get to making my own supplies. I'm going to be the best prepared student when my 3rd year gets here! Hah!

Do you have any good sites I can visit for lesson plan ideas, teaching aids, etc? Let me know! I'd love to create a page for them here on my blog.

Here's a great one I found on Bloom's Taxonomy! Please share your knowledge, I'd greatly appreciate it. You homeschool moms will have some awesome resources, I bet! wink, wink

Procrastination and Its Fruits

Edit: The following is the comment from my teacher after grading my essay:"Kathryn,
Your personal narrative essay based on the exercise describing your educational goals has earn this enthusiastic A for the excellent development of your academic background and current efforts to achieve your plans for the future. It is easy to see why you were once enrolled In a creative writing course. Bravo, Kathryn!
The elements of first-person viewpoint and effective storytelling will be prominent features of upcoming assignments.  Your next opportunity to practice these skills will be in the process assignments due this coming week. I look forward to reading." 

The following essay is the first major essay assigned by my English 101 Composition class in my first semester returning to college. The assignment is a personal narrative essay and the topic is Where and How to Learn: My Educational Background. Basically, what's your background and attitude, how did it change, what changed it, how did you learn from your experiences and what is your attitude now? I am very proud of this work as far as style and content. I hope you enjoy it as well. 

     As I sit here looking at my assignment board full of multicolored reminders of what is due when, it’s like coming home: I’m comfortable, confident and I know it’s where I should be. My deep love of learning and all the trappings that come with it have been denied for years due to an overwhelming apathy. Horace Greeley said it precisely, “Apathy is a sort of living oblivion. “

     My mother passed away when I was eight, my father and step-mother were less than stellar in my eyes and I grew wary of their military and college educated, 9-5 lives. When I was barely into my double digits I decided I wanted to be a teacher and a mother in whatever order they managed to happen. I’d loved every teacher I ever had and longed to prove that I could be a better parent than those I was stuck with and the one who “left me behind,” as I saw it through my childish eyes. As time wore on and I grew up, I lost all passion in the struggle to live in a place where I felt unloved and utterly miserable. I focused on friends and ignored school enough to do well without excelling.

     In 2001 I graduated from my Dallas, TX high school as apathetic as it’s possible to be. We had all heard from parents and teachers that after high school you go to college; no reason why, that’s just how it’s done. My apathy led to enrollment in a community college because I’d never applied to any universities, leading to years of more apathy and procrastination.

     I knew I wanted to be a teacher but I was consumed with life. I had a job, my own apartment, dreams of my own car and friends who were not in school. I went to college the fall after graduation but failed a couple of classes for poor attendance and not turning in homework. I still had the bad habit of apathetic procrastination. I slept through 8am classes, didn’t turn in essays for creative writing, and dropped a history class. I went back the following fall with the same results. I skipped my evening class because after work I was too tired to go or wanted to hang out with my roommate and friends. I thought, “I pay for school with no financial aid or help from anyone. Who cares? I’m not wasting anyone’s money but mine, so what difference does it make?” So I decided that perhaps school wasn’t where I needed to be. I made enough money in my retail jobs to get by and still have a little fun.

     For eight years I moved around to many states including Florida, Tennessee and North Carolina. I stayed with family and friends and worked until I found myself in Central New York forced to stay due to personal circumstances. I’d moved to Utica because I knew someone here and thought it was as good a place as any. In the four years I was here I moved away and back twice. The last time I moved away was four days after the birth of my son, James. His father fought for shared custody of this tiny being that had depended solely on me since his creation, and a court order brought me back to Utica in the hopes I would be here just long enough to win custody and go back to my job with a promising future and family surrounding me. Almost three years and three custody losses later I was unemployed, still formally uneducated and desperate for a court acceptable reason to leave Utica. Despite zero involvement with his son and a total disregard for the custody he’d fought for, my son’s dad won every time I tried to get the judge to understand my reasoning for wanting to leave. The apathy had disappeared the moment I laid eyes on my own little miracle, and I knew my life needed direction with me taking the lead. But procrastination is a habit that’s a little harder to break.

     Every January for three years I applied to MVCC and faithfully completed my FAFSA and TAP applications, but since I’d always had a job I figured everything would be fine. The last job I held was great and it paid well. I thought it would turn into something permanent despite the “temporary/contract” tag on the end. I didn’t think I could handle a toddler, a full time job and full time schooling, anyway. When the contract was closed I knew there would be no more excuses because the decision had been made for me; I could live as a welfare mom, or make a change. January of this year, I redid my FAFSA and TAP applications; made sure I was still accepted to MVCC and got everything done. For fear I’d find a job and therefore another excuse to put off my life goals, I made sure to start as soon as possible: this summer.

     I had finally realized that if I wanted to leave this dying area and bring my son with me, I could no longer live paycheck to mouth and put off an education that would allow me to create a better life. I’ve always enjoyed learning even if I didn’t enjoy high school. Life experience has taught me that yes, you do go to college after high school, but it also taught me why: Even if you don’t immediately pursue a career, having that education opens more doors than simply a diploma. I still could have lived the life I had but with the option of settling down as soon as it was necessary. As it was, the life I lived was the only one I saw available to me without a college education.

     Looking around me I see the detritus of a parent. There are toys, dishes, clothes everywhere. Crayons and pens are scattered over scribbles drawn by the most precious fingers in the world. By working to realize my own pre-adolescent dreams of becoming a teacher in addition to the mother I already am, I know that MVCC is exactly where I need to be. All apathy has vanished and procrastination has no place here. Here is where I begin building the life I want and my son needs.

College At Any Age

After 10 years, I am finally returning to college. I'll be attending the local community college to begin a transfer Associates on my way to a Childhood Education degree. Most of my life I wanted to be a teacher. For a couple of years I thought about becoming a Pharmacist and while that still interests me (as does the salary), being a teacher calls to me. I've always loved school and I can't wait to go back. I'm only slightly disappointed that it'll be a couple of years before I start doing "teacher-y" things. :o)

I'm starting not in the fall but in the first summer term. It'll put me 20% through my 2yr degree with only 4 semesters left. Theoretically, I'll be done by the end of next summer. This is very, very exciting.

I am 28 years old. I'll be 10 years older than most of the students at the school, and I have a kid. It's going to be weird but I'm a firm believer in "It's never too late." I have a dream, a desire for more and my son as motivation to get it done.

For a long time I didn't go to school for a variety of excuses.
A slightly-more-than-minimum-wage job was plenty for just me.
I'd done the whole "work full time, school full time" thing before and it wore me down fast.
I don't have the time.
I have plenty of time I'm only 20-something.
I like having free time to do stuff with friends.

I'm sure there were more excuses and a lot of it was just plain not even thinking about my future. I'd applied to schools here and there in the many states I lived. Memphis, TN, Johnston County, NC, Utica, NY. It was only after my son was born that an urgency started to build. However, I still had excuses.
I don't have time to work, go to school and raise my son.
I don't have the money.
I'll fill out the paperwork another day.
I have to get booster shots? I don't have time to go do that.


Well, I've been unemployed (not counting a 1-day and a 5-day job) since August of last year. I have nothing but time! I filled out my FAFSA, my HESC application for NYS Tuition Assistance Program (TAP Award), applied to school, got my booster shots, and registered for summer classes.

According to the five seconds the guy at the Financial Aid office deigned to give me, my spring PELL Grand will be used for the summer term, but it should be fine since I'll be getting other aid.

I think I've said it like three times already, but I am so excited. I am finally taking a much-needed step in making a better life for Ick and me. It's so past due but definitely better late than never.

My short-term goal is to transfer to UNCC (University of North Carolina in Charlotte) to complete my 4 year degree so I'll be close to all kinds of my family, maternal and paternal. Yes there will be a custody fight (again) but I have a better chance this time. I'll be asking just for custody, not to move, and I'll be filing this month. *fingers crossed*

My long-term goal (if I happen to be unable to complete my short-term goal) is to complete my degree and move to NC near family. This year Utica cut 217 positions and raised taxes 2%. I've been told by many people that I absolutely will not find a teaching job anywhere near where I live. My response? A very cool, "I know. That's the point."

A blogger that I look up to said something about luck not being luck at all. It's about you being prepared for the opportunities that arise. Good "luck" means you're prepared and ready and you can take advantage of the opportunity. Bad "luck" means you haven't done what you need to do to take advantage. She's one smart cookie!

Not only am I prepared for school this upcoming term, but I'm ready to fight successfully for my baby boy. I pray for strength and guidance every day and I hope you'll say a little one for me as well.

Is there something you've wanted but haven't prepared for? What's stopping you? Do you think you'll try harder to achieve your goals?

If it's school, don't feel like you're too old. Starting over in a new career or life path is always scary and challenging, but that doesn't have to stop you. If you want it, you can do it. Believe in yourself even if no one else does. Just remember, I believe in you, too.

Note: I know it's been months since I've posted and I have no excuses. Thanks for sticking around and continuing to read.