College At Any Age

After 10 years, I am finally returning to college. I'll be attending the local community college to begin a transfer Associates on my way to a Childhood Education degree. Most of my life I wanted to be a teacher. For a couple of years I thought about becoming a Pharmacist and while that still interests me (as does the salary), being a teacher calls to me. I've always loved school and I can't wait to go back. I'm only slightly disappointed that it'll be a couple of years before I start doing "teacher-y" things. :o)

I'm starting not in the fall but in the first summer term. It'll put me 20% through my 2yr degree with only 4 semesters left. Theoretically, I'll be done by the end of next summer. This is very, very exciting.

I am 28 years old. I'll be 10 years older than most of the students at the school, and I have a kid. It's going to be weird but I'm a firm believer in "It's never too late." I have a dream, a desire for more and my son as motivation to get it done.

For a long time I didn't go to school for a variety of excuses.
A slightly-more-than-minimum-wage job was plenty for just me.
I'd done the whole "work full time, school full time" thing before and it wore me down fast.
I don't have the time.
I have plenty of time I'm only 20-something.
I like having free time to do stuff with friends.

I'm sure there were more excuses and a lot of it was just plain not even thinking about my future. I'd applied to schools here and there in the many states I lived. Memphis, TN, Johnston County, NC, Utica, NY. It was only after my son was born that an urgency started to build. However, I still had excuses.
I don't have time to work, go to school and raise my son.
I don't have the money.
I'll fill out the paperwork another day.
I have to get booster shots? I don't have time to go do that.


Well, I've been unemployed (not counting a 1-day and a 5-day job) since August of last year. I have nothing but time! I filled out my FAFSA, my HESC application for NYS Tuition Assistance Program (TAP Award), applied to school, got my booster shots, and registered for summer classes.

According to the five seconds the guy at the Financial Aid office deigned to give me, my spring PELL Grand will be used for the summer term, but it should be fine since I'll be getting other aid.

I think I've said it like three times already, but I am so excited. I am finally taking a much-needed step in making a better life for Ick and me. It's so past due but definitely better late than never.

My short-term goal is to transfer to UNCC (University of North Carolina in Charlotte) to complete my 4 year degree so I'll be close to all kinds of my family, maternal and paternal. Yes there will be a custody fight (again) but I have a better chance this time. I'll be asking just for custody, not to move, and I'll be filing this month. *fingers crossed*

My long-term goal (if I happen to be unable to complete my short-term goal) is to complete my degree and move to NC near family. This year Utica cut 217 positions and raised taxes 2%. I've been told by many people that I absolutely will not find a teaching job anywhere near where I live. My response? A very cool, "I know. That's the point."

A blogger that I look up to said something about luck not being luck at all. It's about you being prepared for the opportunities that arise. Good "luck" means you're prepared and ready and you can take advantage of the opportunity. Bad "luck" means you haven't done what you need to do to take advantage. She's one smart cookie!

Not only am I prepared for school this upcoming term, but I'm ready to fight successfully for my baby boy. I pray for strength and guidance every day and I hope you'll say a little one for me as well.

Is there something you've wanted but haven't prepared for? What's stopping you? Do you think you'll try harder to achieve your goals?

If it's school, don't feel like you're too old. Starting over in a new career or life path is always scary and challenging, but that doesn't have to stop you. If you want it, you can do it. Believe in yourself even if no one else does. Just remember, I believe in you, too.

Note: I know it's been months since I've posted and I have no excuses. Thanks for sticking around and continuing to read.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder... And All That Jazz

So, I've been slacking in my blog posts. Well, not so much slacking as trying to get through this month alive and intact. A lot of stuff has been happening and I'm just trying to stay above water over here. Between leaving my job at the drugstore and taking a job as a pizza delivery girl (oh, the joy), trying to find an apartment to move to and desperately hoping I can come up with the money to fix my car so I can pass inspection and therefore keep my job, I haven't had much time to write out anything worth sharing.


My sister and brother-in-law recently came to stay with me for a while until they get back on their feet and my sister has a dachshund she's had since he was a teeny tiny puppy, about 8 years. There's no way she could part with him and I'd never ask that of her. We hid the little man as long as we could. It was pretty easy since he's old and really quiet. Well, my crazy landlady found out and requested my 30 day notice. So now the race is on to find an apartment that I can afford, will allow pets and isn't totally in the ghetto. That last part is pretty difficult since most of the nearest "city" is ghetto. I put city in quotes because this is a very small area and there has been a mass exodus of the population and many businesses going on for about 5 years. I may have a lead and I keep following up on it because I haven't gotten a call or email back on about 10 other apartments I've inquired about.

I left the drugstore and took the next available job as a pizza delivery person. It's not too bad, although the pay is significantly less than they led me to believe, both in the ad as well as in person at the restaurant. I made fast friends with a guy there only to learn he's leaving to pursue other, better interests. I'm not too sure when exactly he's leaving, but seeing as he is the only person there I really connected with, it's just another push to keep avidly job hunting. I'm trying very hard to save from my paychecks as well as my daily take home of tips and mileage. The good new is, after only 4 or 5 days there (including the 2 days I was off) they want to train me on cooking food and running the shifts. Which is great! Except for the 12 to 13 hour days. That is a huge drawback. While most of my workday would be while Ick is sleeping, I already spend most of my mornings with him barely conscious and wishing I was asleep instead of spending precious quality time with my one and only baby.

The inspection on my car was up in February and since I have to have a valid inspection on my car to drive for the restaurant, I decided it was time to take it in. Well, in order to pass inspection, the greedy eyed mechanic told me I needed to replace both bearings in the front, the front brake shoes and pads and replace the gas filler neck tube that rusted out early this past winter. I took my car to a very nice, honest mechanic that I've used before and he added control arm to the list of things to fix. Well, the first guy told me the cheapest he could find the gas filler tube was $181 used. I, however, found the same part brand-new online for all of $70 with shipping. It should arrive tomorrow and if I can save anything at all, I'll get that put on right away. The estimated total for fixing my car came to $800. Yowza! But it is much cheaper than buying another car.

In addition to all of those expensive repairs, I have to replace my TN license with a NYS license or my car insurance will drop me. To get a NYS license from another state, I have to pay another $70 as well as show about 15 different kinds of identification not including my TN license. I'm only sad to part with it because it is the most beautiful picture of me ever taken! No joke. And that's not an easy thing to accomplish!

Add to all that the usual bills that are way too high for this place. $200 electric bill, $90 quarterly water bill, $50 cell phone prepaid card, $50 internet bill. My output is so much higher than my income! Hence the continuing to look for another job.

So clearly my life has been pretty hectic and stressful to say nothing of the lack of support (financial or otherwise) from my baby's pointless "father." I won't even get started on that topic, it will only make me even more upset and stressed out. So hopefully I'll be back soon with an informative, interesting post that is a little more upbeat than this one.

Parenting on Minimum Wage

I am a part-time clerk at a drug store. I'm not in the position I want (full time with more pay as a Pharmacy Technician) and that I'm trained for, but I am working. I'm attempting to blog every week to see what I can do to make a difference in someone's life (a good one, I'm hoping!). I'll be starting school in the fall to pursue a Doctorate of Pharmacy so I can make good money and afford more things. But right now, I'm parenting on minimum wage - well, close to it.

I recently tweeted (yup, I do that too: MamaPoodle), "99% of the time my bills are late notices. Sometimes we eat plain pasta and use discount diapers. But I sure do love my life. #happy" And that, my friends, is the God's honest truth. I am usually stressed out about one bill or another that I can't pay, some high-stress relationship or situation with my co-workers, how I don't make enough money per hour, or that I'm not being the best parent I can be.

If I could be a SAHM (stay at home mother), I would. In a New York minute! But since I am a single parent, I must work. I have to be away from my son as many hours as I can bear so that I can take care of him and myself. I choose to work only 4 days a week but have told my employers that I'm willing to work ten hour days if they want to schedule me for that. I struggle with knowing my son is at home with his NaNa (his Aunt Angelique) or at his paternal grandparents' house playing, eating, bathing, growing and learning without me. Working with the general public does distract me, but in just about every free minute I'm thinking of my little Ick. This stress alone is enough to drive me to drinkin'.

But I also have to worry about that electric/internet/phone/water bill that's due in 3 days and I just don't earn enough to pay it? Even if I worked full time?

Some of you may ask, "Why don't you get some assistance? Aren't there government programs to help people like you?" Yup. There are. I'm semi-ashamed to admit that, yes, I get food stamps. However, I earn too much for any "cash" assistance. And no, I don't get child support. Why? Well, technically, Ick's dad and I have "shared physical and legal custody" even though I am the sole financial responsible party for our little bundle of joy. We've been to court twice to change that and both times he has fought it and won. Ridiculous. The Family Supreme Court of New York has some issues that need to be worked out. But this isn't about that.

This is about how many, many parents out there are barely getting by and are doing everything they can. This isn't about the ones who play the system and refuse to work just because they "don't want to." I may get some government assistance (like millions), but I do have a job and I work very hard at it. I still struggle every month to pay my bills and they don't always get paid. I have to leave my child behind four days a week in order to make what little money I can.

As much as I struggle with all of this, the one thing I keep reminding myself is this: I am a good parent. I do what I have to in order to make sure my child is fed, clothed and is being taught everything he needs to know, whether it's by me, his NaNa or another caregiver. My son is loved, disciplined, and well taken care of. I am doing the best I know how at this point in my life.

Soon (as in a few years), even though I'll be a pharmacist, I'll be able to take real, paid time off, family vacations, make my own hours and my pay will be sufficient to give little baby Ick the right education and childhood. While nothing can make up for me being gone 40 hours a week, I can at least make sure he is getting top notch child care (hopefully from family) and a great education.

Soon, I won't be parenting on minimum wage, and I won't have to worry about how I'm going to pay that pile of bills or buy a whole new wardrobe because the clothes I bought 3 months ago don't fit him anymore. I look forward to that and every day I look forward to the time I do get to spend with Ick.



If you are like me and live paycheck to mouth, just remember that there is a way to make your life better. You can get the education and training you need to get a better paying job. And as long as you are "doing what you're able, putting food there on the table ... that's something to be proud of." (Montgomery Gentry, "That's Something to be Proud Of"). Don't let others put you down for getting assistance, or because your baby wears garage-sale clothes.

Make a change and prove that you are the best parent there is, because you know that there's always room to improve yourself to make a better life for your family. There's no bigger love than that.