Adventures in Babysitting: Lessons Learned

I'm constantly talking about how I want to have more kids. I hope to meet a good man, get married and have a couple more kids. Since I'm not even dating (and have no prospects!) this desire is kind of far in the future. I know Ick will be much older than any siblings he may have and today gave me a taste of that.

One thing I learned today: Friendship is beautiful.

I babysat for my best friend Shaggy since it's summer time and her mother-in-law was unavailable to watch Jeremy, her 6yo son. I've known them since Jeremy was only 6 or 7 months old, and he loves Ick since he's known him since before he was born. They get along really well because Jeremy loves to show off what he knows and Ick does everything Jeremy does!

Another thing I learned today: Kids love to tattle!

My sister said, "When I was little I never understood why grown ups said it was wrong to tattle on others. Now I know it's to keep kids from coming to you about every single little thing!" She is so right. It's not about not telling an adult when someone else is doing something wrong, it's about settling your own super-minor disputes.

Something else I learned today: Kids will brave hypothermia to play in a pool in the summer however small it may be.

Now, I don't have a lot in the way of entertainment for a 6yo, but it was chilly, overcast and occasionally rainy so I figured we'd be inside all day. We only spent about 15 minutes outside on the toddler play-set because it started to rain. Less than 30 minutes later I was being bugged about the kiddie pool! I finally relented, poured countless buckets of water into the plastic tub as both the boys splashed it right back out! After an hour both of them were ice cold and shivering.

We went inside to eat popsicles, snuggle under blankets on the couch and watch 101 Dalmatians. By this time Ick was exhausted. I'd woken him up early when Jeremy got here and he spent the whole day on "full steam ahead" trying to keep up with a kid twice his age. I couldn't figure out why Jeremy kept complaining that we were watching a movie until his mom texted me when she got home saying he passed out in the car within minutes and his dad had to get him out and carry him inside because she couldn't wake him up.

Last lesson for today: Ick needs more interaction with kids his own age.

He's grabby, demanding and bad at sharing. He's unfailingly polite, though! After taking something he says, "Thank you!" and if he hears anything remotely sounding like a sneeze he says, "Bless you!" But some lessons only sink in with practice.

Today was rougher than my usual days, but not by much. It only reinforced my desire to have more kids. The age difference showed me how great it can be to have a big brother that much older.

Now, to find a man....!

Parenting on Minimum Wage

I am a part-time clerk at a drug store. I'm not in the position I want (full time with more pay as a Pharmacy Technician) and that I'm trained for, but I am working. I'm attempting to blog every week to see what I can do to make a difference in someone's life (a good one, I'm hoping!). I'll be starting school in the fall to pursue a Doctorate of Pharmacy so I can make good money and afford more things. But right now, I'm parenting on minimum wage - well, close to it.

I recently tweeted (yup, I do that too: MamaPoodle), "99% of the time my bills are late notices. Sometimes we eat plain pasta and use discount diapers. But I sure do love my life. #happy" And that, my friends, is the God's honest truth. I am usually stressed out about one bill or another that I can't pay, some high-stress relationship or situation with my co-workers, how I don't make enough money per hour, or that I'm not being the best parent I can be.

If I could be a SAHM (stay at home mother), I would. In a New York minute! But since I am a single parent, I must work. I have to be away from my son as many hours as I can bear so that I can take care of him and myself. I choose to work only 4 days a week but have told my employers that I'm willing to work ten hour days if they want to schedule me for that. I struggle with knowing my son is at home with his NaNa (his Aunt Angelique) or at his paternal grandparents' house playing, eating, bathing, growing and learning without me. Working with the general public does distract me, but in just about every free minute I'm thinking of my little Ick. This stress alone is enough to drive me to drinkin'.

But I also have to worry about that electric/internet/phone/water bill that's due in 3 days and I just don't earn enough to pay it? Even if I worked full time?

Some of you may ask, "Why don't you get some assistance? Aren't there government programs to help people like you?" Yup. There are. I'm semi-ashamed to admit that, yes, I get food stamps. However, I earn too much for any "cash" assistance. And no, I don't get child support. Why? Well, technically, Ick's dad and I have "shared physical and legal custody" even though I am the sole financial responsible party for our little bundle of joy. We've been to court twice to change that and both times he has fought it and won. Ridiculous. The Family Supreme Court of New York has some issues that need to be worked out. But this isn't about that.

This is about how many, many parents out there are barely getting by and are doing everything they can. This isn't about the ones who play the system and refuse to work just because they "don't want to." I may get some government assistance (like millions), but I do have a job and I work very hard at it. I still struggle every month to pay my bills and they don't always get paid. I have to leave my child behind four days a week in order to make what little money I can.

As much as I struggle with all of this, the one thing I keep reminding myself is this: I am a good parent. I do what I have to in order to make sure my child is fed, clothed and is being taught everything he needs to know, whether it's by me, his NaNa or another caregiver. My son is loved, disciplined, and well taken care of. I am doing the best I know how at this point in my life.

Soon (as in a few years), even though I'll be a pharmacist, I'll be able to take real, paid time off, family vacations, make my own hours and my pay will be sufficient to give little baby Ick the right education and childhood. While nothing can make up for me being gone 40 hours a week, I can at least make sure he is getting top notch child care (hopefully from family) and a great education.

Soon, I won't be parenting on minimum wage, and I won't have to worry about how I'm going to pay that pile of bills or buy a whole new wardrobe because the clothes I bought 3 months ago don't fit him anymore. I look forward to that and every day I look forward to the time I do get to spend with Ick.



If you are like me and live paycheck to mouth, just remember that there is a way to make your life better. You can get the education and training you need to get a better paying job. And as long as you are "doing what you're able, putting food there on the table ... that's something to be proud of." (Montgomery Gentry, "That's Something to be Proud Of"). Don't let others put you down for getting assistance, or because your baby wears garage-sale clothes.

Make a change and prove that you are the best parent there is, because you know that there's always room to improve yourself to make a better life for your family. There's no bigger love than that.