Dance Every Day: Day #1

I'm not going to post every day because that would be boring and because I will never remember to do so! However, today is my first day of finding something to dance about every day.

February 1, 2014:

Today started out terribly after checking the discussion board for one of my online literature classes. The teacher had absolutely nothing nice to say about anything I wrote. All he did was tell me I did it wrong, but gave no indication of what he thought of my thoughts or points of view on the stories. That made me feel pretty crappy, let me tell you. But I vented to my sister, emailed the teacher and got a snarky reply from him. 

*sigh*

Oh, well. I can't make other people change, right? I can only change myself? So on went my day full of Disney Jr. on TV, Rift on my computer, and fighting my kid to take a nap.

But!

I still found a reason to dance. I sent my son to bed late because we napped until 6pm (whoops... but, man, was it nice!). He didn't go to sleep right away but he was really quiet so I went in, got him out of bed and asked him to come to another room with me. :) He was nervous until I started asking him to dance with me. We did the Hot Dog Dance from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, the Hokey Pokey, and If You're Happy and You Know it. He thought it was hilarious and I thought it was so worth it! Afterwards I found that he'd ripped my bedclothes apart, unplugged my clock and electric blanket, and dug through my side table drawer and took out anything mildly interesting (such as my old phone and a pillow cover not out of the box yet). He was duly reprimanded (fat lot of good that does) and we both were highly disappointed.

But for ten glorious minutes we were dancing, giggling, and enjoying each other. Those are the memories we'll each keep. I hope.

Did you find a reason to dance today? Did you do something to give someone else a reason to dance?

Adventures in Babysitting: Lessons Learned

I'm constantly talking about how I want to have more kids. I hope to meet a good man, get married and have a couple more kids. Since I'm not even dating (and have no prospects!) this desire is kind of far in the future. I know Ick will be much older than any siblings he may have and today gave me a taste of that.

One thing I learned today: Friendship is beautiful.

I babysat for my best friend Shaggy since it's summer time and her mother-in-law was unavailable to watch Jeremy, her 6yo son. I've known them since Jeremy was only 6 or 7 months old, and he loves Ick since he's known him since before he was born. They get along really well because Jeremy loves to show off what he knows and Ick does everything Jeremy does!

Another thing I learned today: Kids love to tattle!

My sister said, "When I was little I never understood why grown ups said it was wrong to tattle on others. Now I know it's to keep kids from coming to you about every single little thing!" She is so right. It's not about not telling an adult when someone else is doing something wrong, it's about settling your own super-minor disputes.

Something else I learned today: Kids will brave hypothermia to play in a pool in the summer however small it may be.

Now, I don't have a lot in the way of entertainment for a 6yo, but it was chilly, overcast and occasionally rainy so I figured we'd be inside all day. We only spent about 15 minutes outside on the toddler play-set because it started to rain. Less than 30 minutes later I was being bugged about the kiddie pool! I finally relented, poured countless buckets of water into the plastic tub as both the boys splashed it right back out! After an hour both of them were ice cold and shivering.

We went inside to eat popsicles, snuggle under blankets on the couch and watch 101 Dalmatians. By this time Ick was exhausted. I'd woken him up early when Jeremy got here and he spent the whole day on "full steam ahead" trying to keep up with a kid twice his age. I couldn't figure out why Jeremy kept complaining that we were watching a movie until his mom texted me when she got home saying he passed out in the car within minutes and his dad had to get him out and carry him inside because she couldn't wake him up.

Last lesson for today: Ick needs more interaction with kids his own age.

He's grabby, demanding and bad at sharing. He's unfailingly polite, though! After taking something he says, "Thank you!" and if he hears anything remotely sounding like a sneeze he says, "Bless you!" But some lessons only sink in with practice.

Today was rougher than my usual days, but not by much. It only reinforced my desire to have more kids. The age difference showed me how great it can be to have a big brother that much older.

Now, to find a man....!

11 Things

The Rules:

1. Post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random facts about you.

3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.

4. Create 11 new questions and tag new people to answer them.

5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

Okay, so my cousin Lena (at Lovin' My Crazy Life) tagged me in this crazy post full of 11 things: random facts, questions she asked and I answered, and 11 questions for me to ask people to answer. This was way back at the beginning of May and I'm that much of a slacker and procrastinator that it took me a month to do it! But here I am so let's begin, shall we?

11 Random Facts:
(Note: Each fact had like a paragraph of explanation, but I cut them out. It hurt! lol)

1. I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was 16.

2. While I love to write I find that I'm incapable unless I'm writing about something that makes me passionate. The subject has to invoke some kind of strong emotion in me.

3. While it's no surprise that I love bacon, it has to be crispy.

4. I always have at least 7 tabs open at all times in my browser.

5. I have HORRIBLE dental hygiene.

6. I'm long winded. *gasp* I bet you'd never guess that one, huh? :o)

7. I love cartoon monkeys. My son's current nickname is Monkey.

8. I've given up work for school.

9. I'm on the Atkins diet.

10. I'm addicted to coffee and Diet Mountain Dew. One reason I don't sleep at night!

11. I love country music. I love the sounds, the lyrics and the people who play and sing them. There's something to be said for being raised with a country set of morals.

Now, to answer Lena's questions....

1. What is your favorite song and why? My favorite song changes often but right now it’s “Ain’t No Reason” by Brett Dennon. If you haven’t heard it, please go here and DON’T WATCH the video, just listen. Then, play it again but this time watch the video. The truths in the words are brought to life in the images and every time I watch it I'm brought to tears.
2. What Biblical person do you feel you relate to and why? This is a hard question for me because I’m not as familiar with the Bible as I probably should be. I’m going to go with the unnamed woman who washed Jesus’ feet. She was the lowest of the low but He showed her love, compassion and forgiveness in front of everyone. It’s what I hope He shows me when my time on earth is done.
3. How many places have you lived and where was your favorite? I have lived in many states, many cities. My favorite was any town in North Carolina. The weather is beautiful and there are four distinct seasons despite what many people up here in Central New York think. I’ve seen the beauty of fall, the snow of winter, the heat of summer and the renewal of spring. The fact that my family was (and some still are) there is the sweetest part of it all.
4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As I barely hit my double digits I wanted to be a mother and a teacher. I’ve the ‘mother’ part done (heh) and I am in school working towards the ‘teacher’ part.
5. Favorite childhood memory? The happiest times that I remember from before I was 8 was waking up in the “middle of the night” and seeing my mother, sister and brother awake doing things that were so cool only because I thought it was so late at night. I’ve woken up to games of Clue and a snack of pickles, biscuit making sessions and more. I loved that I wasn’t chastised and sent to bed every time, but occasionally allowed to join in before going back to sleep.
6. Where/what is your ‘happy place’? My ‘happy place’ is a toss-up. Right off the bat I’d say snuggling with my 2yo (almost 3!), but these days with his awful tantrums and inability to speak in anything other than a whine leads me to say my happy place is in my bed reading while he’s asleep at night. I rarely get enough sleep myself because I relish the quiet after he’s in bed and try to get as much as I can before surrendering to the new day.
7. What is the most annoying toy you have ever purchased for your child/ren? Most of the things I buy for my son are clothes, movies or small toys. Not much room there for annoying things. Those come from his grandparents! But this child will watch Dumbo a hundred times a day every single day unless I urge him to watch something else. Granted there are only 4 movies on VHS and one of them he broke (Beauty and the Beast! And he won’t stop asking to watch it, the heathen! ;o)), but I’m constantly asking if we can watch Hercules or the Grinch instead.
8. What is your favorite genre of books to read? I have a wide range of interests when it comes to books lately thanks to my Nook and Barnes and Noble’s free eBooks, but the kind easiest for me to get into is science fiction. It’s what I grew up reading from my dad’s personal library and it’s always been easy for me to look ahead to the stars and the far future to a strange yet familiar world(s).
9. Dogs or cats? Oh definitely cats. I love dachshunds but cats will always be my favorite. I love the way they can curl up to half their size or stretch out to twice their length. My son also has an absurd love of cats and fear of dogs. My sister’s dachshund George he loves and mildly terrorizes, but other dogs make him run in unsure fear while cats he will immediately try to pet, hold or love on.
10. What do you hope to achieve by writing a blog? Mostly I write for myself or to share my thoughts on things with whoever reads. Mostly I’d like to show others in my situation (of a single parent) that not only are they not alone, what they’re doing isn’t “wrong” regardless of past choices. My bad decisions have been made by not just me but by countless others. We all fail, we all have triumphs, but we’re all also together. This isn’t a competition, it’s a team sport. Most importantly, I hope to make a change in the life of at least one person. If I make their day just a little brighter, if somehow my words encourage them to do something they hadn’t decided to do to make their lives better, or if it’s nothing more than, “Wow. So it’s not just me?” I’ll be okay with that.
11. Introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between? Um… LOL Both? Majorly both at the same time? I talk so much it’s insane, but what goes on inside my head is nothing compared the amount of words that pass my lips. There are definitely people who think they know me since I’m so free with what I share, but it’s certainly the tip of the iceberg. Online where I can hide behind my screen I’m quite the extrovert. In social situations, I fade into the background still as unsure of myself as I was at 13.


Okay, listed below are the 11 questions I'd like to see answered. Some of them are quite personal. I ask them because they are things I'd love to know about you but if you're not comfortable answering any of them, just say so and leave it at that. :o)


1. If you have kids, what do you find yourself saying to them that your parents said to you that you swore you'd never say? If you don't have kids, same question but instead of "to your kids," "to other people?"
2. What is your favorite (relatively recent) picture of you? Why?
3. Name one parenting topic that really gets you going? Do you side with the majority, the minority, or no one?
4. What is your guilty pleasure? Be honest!
5. How often do you mop in your house? LOL
6. Are you happy in your relationship (or lack thereof)? If not, what do you wish you had the guts to do to change it?
7. When was the last time you watched a sunset or wished on a star with all your heart?
8. What's one of your biggest fears in regards to your child(ren) or future child(ren)? If no kids (and don't want them), how about a fear for your future?
9. I'm gonna borrow some words from Jewel here and ask if you could tell the world one thing, what would it be?
10. When was the last time you saw a movie in a theater sans kids? Is there one out or coming soon you really want to see?
11. When you feel sad or down, what do you do to cheer yourself up?


I'm picking some people I regularly interact with on Twitter and Facebook since I hear from them most often. Some I don't really interact with, but I'd love to see their responses to my questions!

Monique at Razing Mayhem @MayhemMatriarch
Liz at Six Year Itch @sixyearitch
Jen at A Day In the Life...
Keri at Quick-Witted and Witty @skeri
The Biz at And All That Biz @That_Biz (edit: SHE'S BACK on Twitter! YAY!)
Brooke at Some Days Is Like That @SchoolmarmDE
Michael at A Daddy Blog @adaddyblog


Anyone else who happens upon this blog is welcome to respond via their own post or merely answer the questions in the comments. I think these questions can reveal a lot while still allowing you to keep your mystery... ;o)

Parenting on Minimum Wage

I am a part-time clerk at a drug store. I'm not in the position I want (full time with more pay as a Pharmacy Technician) and that I'm trained for, but I am working. I'm attempting to blog every week to see what I can do to make a difference in someone's life (a good one, I'm hoping!). I'll be starting school in the fall to pursue a Doctorate of Pharmacy so I can make good money and afford more things. But right now, I'm parenting on minimum wage - well, close to it.

I recently tweeted (yup, I do that too: MamaPoodle), "99% of the time my bills are late notices. Sometimes we eat plain pasta and use discount diapers. But I sure do love my life. #happy" And that, my friends, is the God's honest truth. I am usually stressed out about one bill or another that I can't pay, some high-stress relationship or situation with my co-workers, how I don't make enough money per hour, or that I'm not being the best parent I can be.

If I could be a SAHM (stay at home mother), I would. In a New York minute! But since I am a single parent, I must work. I have to be away from my son as many hours as I can bear so that I can take care of him and myself. I choose to work only 4 days a week but have told my employers that I'm willing to work ten hour days if they want to schedule me for that. I struggle with knowing my son is at home with his NaNa (his Aunt Angelique) or at his paternal grandparents' house playing, eating, bathing, growing and learning without me. Working with the general public does distract me, but in just about every free minute I'm thinking of my little Ick. This stress alone is enough to drive me to drinkin'.

But I also have to worry about that electric/internet/phone/water bill that's due in 3 days and I just don't earn enough to pay it? Even if I worked full time?

Some of you may ask, "Why don't you get some assistance? Aren't there government programs to help people like you?" Yup. There are. I'm semi-ashamed to admit that, yes, I get food stamps. However, I earn too much for any "cash" assistance. And no, I don't get child support. Why? Well, technically, Ick's dad and I have "shared physical and legal custody" even though I am the sole financial responsible party for our little bundle of joy. We've been to court twice to change that and both times he has fought it and won. Ridiculous. The Family Supreme Court of New York has some issues that need to be worked out. But this isn't about that.

This is about how many, many parents out there are barely getting by and are doing everything they can. This isn't about the ones who play the system and refuse to work just because they "don't want to." I may get some government assistance (like millions), but I do have a job and I work very hard at it. I still struggle every month to pay my bills and they don't always get paid. I have to leave my child behind four days a week in order to make what little money I can.

As much as I struggle with all of this, the one thing I keep reminding myself is this: I am a good parent. I do what I have to in order to make sure my child is fed, clothed and is being taught everything he needs to know, whether it's by me, his NaNa or another caregiver. My son is loved, disciplined, and well taken care of. I am doing the best I know how at this point in my life.

Soon (as in a few years), even though I'll be a pharmacist, I'll be able to take real, paid time off, family vacations, make my own hours and my pay will be sufficient to give little baby Ick the right education and childhood. While nothing can make up for me being gone 40 hours a week, I can at least make sure he is getting top notch child care (hopefully from family) and a great education.

Soon, I won't be parenting on minimum wage, and I won't have to worry about how I'm going to pay that pile of bills or buy a whole new wardrobe because the clothes I bought 3 months ago don't fit him anymore. I look forward to that and every day I look forward to the time I do get to spend with Ick.



If you are like me and live paycheck to mouth, just remember that there is a way to make your life better. You can get the education and training you need to get a better paying job. And as long as you are "doing what you're able, putting food there on the table ... that's something to be proud of." (Montgomery Gentry, "That's Something to be Proud Of"). Don't let others put you down for getting assistance, or because your baby wears garage-sale clothes.

Make a change and prove that you are the best parent there is, because you know that there's always room to improve yourself to make a better life for your family. There's no bigger love than that.

It Takes a Village... Apparently

Today my son, Ick, and I went to my friend's son's 5th birthday party. My son is only 14 months old so he wasn't really part of the play group. Jeremy has known my son since before he was born. In fact, he's the one who christened him with the nickname "Ick" (from the TV show Little Bear). He really does love little Ick and Ick absolutely adores Jeremy like most small children do their older counterparts.

Now, my friend (Shaggy) is currently going through a divorce. So her party was mostly her family with only myself and her son's friend and his mom as unrelated guests. The party started at 2, but being her closest friend (and having helped stock up on party foods and such) I showed up around 1:45 with Ick in tow.

Jeremy is pretty close to this boy Caden he met at the Open House at his preschool the beginning of the last school year (2008). Shaggy had only met his mother 3 times but knowing he liked Caden she made sure they were invited. Apparently they showed up about 1:30.

Jeremy and his friend Caden were in the playroom messing around with all of Jeremy's toys. Caden was especially concerned with Jer's actual, child-size drum set and couldn't stop playing. It was very cute and Jer liked that he had something so few children had. However, whenever Jer tried to pull Caden away to do something they both could do, Caden would cheat or annoy Jeremy so he could go back to the drums. They played a fishing game (being Jeremy's game, he's played it 800 times) and Caden couldn't catcha ny fish and got upset and started pulling them out. Jeremy got upset and called him a cheater, so Caden got up and went over to Ick and took the ball he was holding, causing Ick to cry. Then got up to play the drums again.

No big deal, even though Ick is an abnormally happy baby. The loud drums had kind of rattled him and he was still adjusting to the relatively new environment. As more guests showed up, the two older boys were continuing to play in the playroom and Jer's bedroom with all the toys. Ick and I moved on to the living room where Shaggy had thoughtfully put out some of Jeremy's old baby toys so Ick would have something to play with.

More guests showed up including Shaggy's cousins ranging from age 5 to 18. The smaller kids got together to keep playing but Caden felt he had first dibs on every single thing because he was there first. He repeatedly took toys away from Ick and the other kids, broke pieces off Jeremy's toys only to throw the whole thing on the ground wherever he was standing, and pushed people to make his way to the toybox in the living room stepping on fingers and toes.

His mother? Hanging out in the kitchen eating. I only heard her say anything to him twice. This child was insanely greedy, pushy, and couldn't share or play nice if his next juice box depended on it.

When the time came to open presents, he helped himself to the gifts attempting to open them faster than Shaggy could pull them out to give to her son. She had to take one away from him to keep him from opening Jeremy's birthday present.

I know this boy is only 5, but when *I* was 5, I didn't act like that! Why has parenting become so lax? Why is it such a chore for mothers and fathers to teach their kids what sharing is and how to keep your hands to yourself? If it's not yours, you ask permission before you touch it.

Caden's mom was nice enough and I liked her alright. She was fun to talk to and lighthearted. But she was also wearing old sweatpants and an old t-shirt. No one says you wear your Sunday best to a child's birthday party, but couldn't you at least get out of your pajamas for it?

I was really taken aback by something that didn't seem to bother anyone else. Maybe I'm too uptight. I know you have to tell kids "Stop that!" 15 times before they even consider listening to you. But there comes a point when you hear 6 other adults say your child's name followed by, "Don't do that, that's not nice!" when you should think to yourself: "I need to go stop whatever he's doing, this is getting out of hand."

Maybe as Ick grows up I'll relax a little and let the little things go. But if your kid shows up at my son's birthday part and shoots others in the face with a nerf gun or takes toys away from others and won't play nice, you better expect him to spend a couple of minutes in the Time Out Chair. If you won't parent your kids at home, I'm more than happy to parent them while they are in my house!