College At Any Age

After 10 years, I am finally returning to college. I'll be attending the local community college to begin a transfer Associates on my way to a Childhood Education degree. Most of my life I wanted to be a teacher. For a couple of years I thought about becoming a Pharmacist and while that still interests me (as does the salary), being a teacher calls to me. I've always loved school and I can't wait to go back. I'm only slightly disappointed that it'll be a couple of years before I start doing "teacher-y" things. :o)

I'm starting not in the fall but in the first summer term. It'll put me 20% through my 2yr degree with only 4 semesters left. Theoretically, I'll be done by the end of next summer. This is very, very exciting.

I am 28 years old. I'll be 10 years older than most of the students at the school, and I have a kid. It's going to be weird but I'm a firm believer in "It's never too late." I have a dream, a desire for more and my son as motivation to get it done.

For a long time I didn't go to school for a variety of excuses.
A slightly-more-than-minimum-wage job was plenty for just me.
I'd done the whole "work full time, school full time" thing before and it wore me down fast.
I don't have the time.
I have plenty of time I'm only 20-something.
I like having free time to do stuff with friends.

I'm sure there were more excuses and a lot of it was just plain not even thinking about my future. I'd applied to schools here and there in the many states I lived. Memphis, TN, Johnston County, NC, Utica, NY. It was only after my son was born that an urgency started to build. However, I still had excuses.
I don't have time to work, go to school and raise my son.
I don't have the money.
I'll fill out the paperwork another day.
I have to get booster shots? I don't have time to go do that.


Well, I've been unemployed (not counting a 1-day and a 5-day job) since August of last year. I have nothing but time! I filled out my FAFSA, my HESC application for NYS Tuition Assistance Program (TAP Award), applied to school, got my booster shots, and registered for summer classes.

According to the five seconds the guy at the Financial Aid office deigned to give me, my spring PELL Grand will be used for the summer term, but it should be fine since I'll be getting other aid.

I think I've said it like three times already, but I am so excited. I am finally taking a much-needed step in making a better life for Ick and me. It's so past due but definitely better late than never.

My short-term goal is to transfer to UNCC (University of North Carolina in Charlotte) to complete my 4 year degree so I'll be close to all kinds of my family, maternal and paternal. Yes there will be a custody fight (again) but I have a better chance this time. I'll be asking just for custody, not to move, and I'll be filing this month. *fingers crossed*

My long-term goal (if I happen to be unable to complete my short-term goal) is to complete my degree and move to NC near family. This year Utica cut 217 positions and raised taxes 2%. I've been told by many people that I absolutely will not find a teaching job anywhere near where I live. My response? A very cool, "I know. That's the point."

A blogger that I look up to said something about luck not being luck at all. It's about you being prepared for the opportunities that arise. Good "luck" means you're prepared and ready and you can take advantage of the opportunity. Bad "luck" means you haven't done what you need to do to take advantage. She's one smart cookie!

Not only am I prepared for school this upcoming term, but I'm ready to fight successfully for my baby boy. I pray for strength and guidance every day and I hope you'll say a little one for me as well.

Is there something you've wanted but haven't prepared for? What's stopping you? Do you think you'll try harder to achieve your goals?

If it's school, don't feel like you're too old. Starting over in a new career or life path is always scary and challenging, but that doesn't have to stop you. If you want it, you can do it. Believe in yourself even if no one else does. Just remember, I believe in you, too.

Note: I know it's been months since I've posted and I have no excuses. Thanks for sticking around and continuing to read.

The American INjustice System, Part One: My Experience

*Please note: My son’s father shall be called Bob in order to protect myself from getting into any trouble.

11 days after my son was born, I left New York State and moved to North Carolina to live with family. After I’d been in North Carolina about two weeks I was approached by a sheriff’s deputy who said the father of my new baby “was concerned because he can’t get in touch with you.” I replied, “I’ve been sending him pictures of the baby every day, have communicated with text messages and have talked to him on the phone at least once.” He informed me that he was just doing his job and was glad we were okay and that he would report back with the news.

The next week the sheriff’s department tried to serve me. My son’s father was trying to take custody away from me after 10 months of nearly total absence. A deputy pulled my aunt over claiming she ran a stop sign but really attempting to find me concealed in her car. They rang the doorbell at dark, early morning hours and dark, late night hours when no normal person answers the door unless they are expecting someone. I was advised by a lawyer, off the record, to not answer the door. If I cannot be served, there cannot be a court date.

Unfortunately, that did not fly for the NYS Supreme Family Court. I filed paperwork in North Carolina hoping it would happen before the date in NY. The judge we had was extremely sympathetic and was very accommodating for me because I did not have a lawyer. Yes, “a man who represents himself has a fool for a client.” He called the judge who was given our case in NY and they both decided that the case needed to be tried there because my son was born in NY, therefore that state had jurisdiction.

Eventually, the judge ruled that I had to leave my wonderful full time job with great pay, an extensive support system of family and friends and a secure home to go back to that specific county in NY because my son’s father lived there. My lawyer (read: free, overworked, underpaid, miserable, hate-their-job county worker) was a child-less, selfish and snotty product of this town and a family with lots of disposable income. She yelled at me after refusing to listen, causing me to collapse in tears of frustration, stress and anger. She coerced me to give in to their requests with threats of “court dates until your kid is grown if you don’t just agree.” I moved into an apartment that was falling apart, I had no job for almost 5 months, was getting food stamps and cash assistance from the county as well as WIC food checks. Yup, I was living off the government because the INjustice system thought it would be better for my son.

We moved back at the end of December 2009. I have struggled with minimum wage, part time hours, outrageous rent, foot-dragging county assistance workers and reliable means of transportation since day one. I loathe this small town, ghetto-fied, dying dot on the map of an otherwise beautiful state.

My son, who is now almost 2 years old, sees his father perhaps once a month if he’s lucky. Usually it’s an accident and only happens when Bob* stops by his parents’ house or camp for food and money while Ick is with his “Gamma” and “Papa.”

We have been to court two other times with me finally withdrawing my petition to modify at the advisement of my second court appointed lawyer. My goal in life is to become a Doctor of Pharmacy and that is an education not available to me in this county which I cannot leave without court papers allowing me to do so.

In order to get that permission I must prove the following: better job, home, daycare, doctor, and a full support system of friends and family. His father, meanwhile, has only to live here. He doesn’t even have to see our son or interact with him or be a parent in any fashion to keep my son from living a better life. Like most parents, I want my son to have a better adult life than I do. To do that, I must give him the advantages of freedom of choice that money provides. In NY I have no family except my sister who is here temporarily and will be gone before winter. I have two friends whom I rarely see. The “support system” is nothing more than my son’s paternal grandparents.

Ah, yes. The driving force behind Bob’s actions in court: the general deceit, outright lies and ridiculous claims. These seemingly sweet, small town folks want their grandson down the street more than they want him to have a better life than can be obtained in a place where a business closes down every week and the census has shown a mass-exodus for the last five years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your grandchildren or any family near you. It’s what I want for myself to be honest. There is something wrong with telling the mother of your grandson, “Why do you want to get a PharmD? It’s really hard, you know. Why don’t you just be a pharmacy technician? You can make like $13 an hour.” Yes, because an hourly wage is better than a six figure salary, isn’t it? Yes, it’s good to strive for low class when your dreams are upper-middle class. Yes, it’s perfectly okay to settle for a job any adult can do when you have the intelligence and drive to be more and go farther.

I will attend classes starting this fall in preparation of transferring to a university with a PharmD program. When I have gone as far as I can in this Yankee podunk town, I will once again file a petition to modify with the American INjustice system and hope for the best.

My experience with the American INjustice System has been heart breaking. I have been stripped of dignity, I have been shown in a light of cruelty and heartlessness and I have been coerced by the very people who were sent to help. In fact, the judge told me I was destroying my son with my petition and repeated court appearances. There has been no justice, only prejudice. My second lawyer said, “The law is what it is and we have to work within it. There are precedents that dictate how these kinds of cases go. If I could change the law, I would. But it is what it is and until it changes, we have to work within it as best we can.”

That is a cop out and an excuse. Precedents are merely that: previous decisions on cases that are guidelines and do not apply to every single case. We have amendments for a reason. We have political figures that make laws every day and change them, too. We can change the American INjustice System with passion, common sense and representatives who are in tune with the people they are representing.

Coming Soon… Part Two: Criminal Cases of the American INjustice System