The Start of Something New

Today, March 21^st, I started a diet: the Atkins Diet. If you want more information, please visit the Atkins website as I will not be addressing any issues or misunderstandings you may have about this diet. I will be addressing my personal struggle to lose weight and keep it off for my health and for a better life for my little family.

I am starting in “Induction” where I am limited to 20 carbs per day. Today I only had about 11 total carbs. That includes my breakfast, snack, drinks and dinner. I did not have lunch today only because of the timing of my day. Between falling asleep on the couch and the nap I took (yup, both, lol), there wasn’t time for lunch, but the snack did just fine. What did I eat? Well, sausage, eggs with cheese, fresh tomatoes for breakfast. Snack was cheese cubes and a couple of pickles. Dinner was meatloaf (with a bit of ketchup and cheese on top) and green beans. I drank coffee, tea (both with Splenda), Powerade Zero (mmm so good) and Diet Sunkist.

Don’t worry; these posts about my battle with weight loss will not be a food diary! I have one for my personal use and will not be boring the general public with a list of foods. However, sometimes I will absolutely list what I’m eating as a way to help you understand what Atkins is all about. Also, it’ll help in understanding my effort.

First off I need to admit something. I love junk. Chips, chocolate, bread, pasta… I could go on. When I’m at work, I eat candy and chips like it’s my last day on earth. Sesame crackers, Ritz crackers, Cheez-Its, they all are great snacks to grab a handful and head off to another task. But, since they are loaded with sodium, empty carbs and calories, they are terrible for my body and my metabolism. Luckily, there are snacks that are available at my job that are in line with Atkins. Also, after the first few weeks, I can enjoy some sugar free candy! My favorite part about this diet is that I don’t have to do without the treats that make a woman’s stressful days a little easier.

I went on Atkins once before and lost about 25 pounds in two months. It was great! There was a noticeable difference in my face and my stomach. My shirts and pants fit better and looked better! This time, however, I will not be “taking a break” since that’s what killed the diet last time. I went on vacation and when I came back, I never went back on Atkins. One thing that has stuck with me, however, is since then I have only drunk diet sodas (for the most part). I actually prefer Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Sunkist, Diet Mountain Dew and Diet Root Beer, in that order, to any other sodas. So that's at least one thing I won't have to change.

Like a lot of women who don’t feel comfortable in their own bodies, I feel awkward and ungraceful. I have gained weight since I was pregnant and after I had my son, did not lose any of it, but instead gained it back. Right now I weigh about what I did when I was 9 months pregnant and waiting to pop any day. I am much clumsier than I used to be and my body is feeling the strain.

When I have a long day at work, it’s not just my feet that hurt. One of my knees has started complaining and I have sciatica which has led to a heel spur in turn causing plantar fasciitis. By the end of the day, I can barely stand the 7 minute drive from work to my house because of my back and feet. A huge goal of mine in this endeavor is to feel better. Plain and simple, I want to stop the aches and pains that come with too much weight on a body’s frame.

At this point in my life, I realize that if I wait much longer, it will be harder to lose weight. I would like to enter my 30s as a happier, healthier and more comfortable me. I look forward to my mini goals (like my friend’s summer wedding in June and the day I realize I have more energy) and my ultimate goal which is to lose 165 to 185 pounds. The window is large (no pun intended) because when I get close to my goal weight, it won’t be a number, it’ll be how I look that determines when to adjust my carb intake.

You are not a number. Neither am I. We are not defined by our age, generation or weight. Do not let anyone label you against your will. You define who you are. I define myself. I am losing weight because it’s what I want and I truly believe that it will make me happier. I also believe it will make me healthier and that is something that is priceless when compared to what it will mean to quality time with my son and other family. I stand by what I’ve said before: There is no greater love than improving yourself for the betterment of your family and yourself.

Parenting on Minimum Wage

I am a part-time clerk at a drug store. I'm not in the position I want (full time with more pay as a Pharmacy Technician) and that I'm trained for, but I am working. I'm attempting to blog every week to see what I can do to make a difference in someone's life (a good one, I'm hoping!). I'll be starting school in the fall to pursue a Doctorate of Pharmacy so I can make good money and afford more things. But right now, I'm parenting on minimum wage - well, close to it.

I recently tweeted (yup, I do that too: MamaPoodle), "99% of the time my bills are late notices. Sometimes we eat plain pasta and use discount diapers. But I sure do love my life. #happy" And that, my friends, is the God's honest truth. I am usually stressed out about one bill or another that I can't pay, some high-stress relationship or situation with my co-workers, how I don't make enough money per hour, or that I'm not being the best parent I can be.

If I could be a SAHM (stay at home mother), I would. In a New York minute! But since I am a single parent, I must work. I have to be away from my son as many hours as I can bear so that I can take care of him and myself. I choose to work only 4 days a week but have told my employers that I'm willing to work ten hour days if they want to schedule me for that. I struggle with knowing my son is at home with his NaNa (his Aunt Angelique) or at his paternal grandparents' house playing, eating, bathing, growing and learning without me. Working with the general public does distract me, but in just about every free minute I'm thinking of my little Ick. This stress alone is enough to drive me to drinkin'.

But I also have to worry about that electric/internet/phone/water bill that's due in 3 days and I just don't earn enough to pay it? Even if I worked full time?

Some of you may ask, "Why don't you get some assistance? Aren't there government programs to help people like you?" Yup. There are. I'm semi-ashamed to admit that, yes, I get food stamps. However, I earn too much for any "cash" assistance. And no, I don't get child support. Why? Well, technically, Ick's dad and I have "shared physical and legal custody" even though I am the sole financial responsible party for our little bundle of joy. We've been to court twice to change that and both times he has fought it and won. Ridiculous. The Family Supreme Court of New York has some issues that need to be worked out. But this isn't about that.

This is about how many, many parents out there are barely getting by and are doing everything they can. This isn't about the ones who play the system and refuse to work just because they "don't want to." I may get some government assistance (like millions), but I do have a job and I work very hard at it. I still struggle every month to pay my bills and they don't always get paid. I have to leave my child behind four days a week in order to make what little money I can.

As much as I struggle with all of this, the one thing I keep reminding myself is this: I am a good parent. I do what I have to in order to make sure my child is fed, clothed and is being taught everything he needs to know, whether it's by me, his NaNa or another caregiver. My son is loved, disciplined, and well taken care of. I am doing the best I know how at this point in my life.

Soon (as in a few years), even though I'll be a pharmacist, I'll be able to take real, paid time off, family vacations, make my own hours and my pay will be sufficient to give little baby Ick the right education and childhood. While nothing can make up for me being gone 40 hours a week, I can at least make sure he is getting top notch child care (hopefully from family) and a great education.

Soon, I won't be parenting on minimum wage, and I won't have to worry about how I'm going to pay that pile of bills or buy a whole new wardrobe because the clothes I bought 3 months ago don't fit him anymore. I look forward to that and every day I look forward to the time I do get to spend with Ick.



If you are like me and live paycheck to mouth, just remember that there is a way to make your life better. You can get the education and training you need to get a better paying job. And as long as you are "doing what you're able, putting food there on the table ... that's something to be proud of." (Montgomery Gentry, "That's Something to be Proud Of"). Don't let others put you down for getting assistance, or because your baby wears garage-sale clothes.

Make a change and prove that you are the best parent there is, because you know that there's always room to improve yourself to make a better life for your family. There's no bigger love than that.

Freedom of Speech (Or Lack Thereof)

I work in a drugstore. A major chain with stores in Puerto Rico and all 50 states. I love my company, I really like my job and I'm heading to school to complete a Doctorate in Pharmacy so that I can become a pharmacist in a company that is, frankly, awe-inspiring in it's size, breadth and mission.

We have heard and read many stories about people losing their jobs for things they have said online or pictures they have posted (however legal and of age they may be). Between blogs, Facebook and Twitter, many of us live our lives quite publicly. I post things on Facebook while off the clock about my day at work (during lunch or after I'm done for the day) because I'm annoyed and want affirmation that I'm right to feel annoyed or because I'm happy and something fun or funny happened. Sometimes, I just want to complain about how tired I am and how much I just want to go home and spend time with my little man, Ick.

I can't tell you how many times someone has told me, "You better be careful about what you write! You're gonna get caught and you're gonna get fired! I'm just looking out for you, but you better be careful." I don't know about you, but that sounds like a very thinly veiled threat!

Like most people, I have my employer listed as well as my position and current city, so it wouldn't be too hard to find out where I work, therefore who to call and complain to about yours truly. However, UN-like lots of people, I know how to use those wonderful things called "Privacy Settings!" Non-friends and 'friends of friends' cannot see anything other than my name and profile picture. In fact, my profile doesn't even come up in a search result. My Facebook page is just that: mine. It is my outlet, my place to play games, somewhere to vent and somewhere to keep up with people from many different times of my life.

I also recently started using Twitter again, mostly talking about my baby boy, but occasionally talking about work.

My issue and the point of this post is that regardless of my privacy settings, what I say on those sites and this one is  my business. I do not slander anyone, much less my employer. I do not name names, I do not reveal company secrets or blab out HIPAA protected information. I do not post pictures of drunken antics (I don't have any) or drug-induced idiocy (I don't do any of that, either). I have a freedom granted to me by this great nation to say how I feel, to express my distaste with anyone and anything as long as I'm not spreading vicious lies. And out of respect, I'm never viciously mean or hurtful no matter how I'm treated (please see this post).

If my job is ever jeopardized because of something I say online that I have tried hard to keep private, or because of something I have said in a not-so-private setting and is therefore censored and toned-down, you can bet your ass I'll be calling the National Labor Relations Board. I am an upstanding, law-abiding and responsible adult and contributor to society.

Because of this, I do have a right to vent my frustrations about my company, coworkers and management. Because of my respect for people's feelings and reputations and for following the rules, my First Amendment right to free speech is guaranteed and there is no gray area here. For those people using swear words and naming the people who make them mad and say hurtful things are opening themselves up for consequences "up to and including termination." Use some common-sense judgement when you decide to post about your job, that's all there is to it.

This post is seeming to ramble with no particular point, but my point is this: The First Amendment is first for a reason: We are a democracy. Each individual has a voice. How are we supposed to "Keep Moving Forward" (thank you, Walt Disney) and bettering ourselves, our nation and our businesses if no one can say what is wrong with it? The easy answer is: We can't.

Obscene Behavior

Today at work, a couple of customers (husband and wife) overreacted to them not being able to use a coupon. Yup, a coupon. They got angry, the wife snatched the receipt out of my hand and I offered her a coupon that had printed for her if she “could not snatch it out of my hand.” (Edit: I feel the need to say that before I asked her to NOT snatch her coupon, she had accused me of being rude, of arguing with her just because I felt that I could and of trying to lie to her. I didn't just say something rude right off the bat.) Her husband then said, “Are you a bitch?” So I put his purchase down (toothpaste with a coupon, of course) and said, “That’s it, you don’t get to talk to me that way, you do NOT get to use that language with me.” I walked away to get my store manager and executive assistant manager who were no more than 20 feet away stocking merchandise. This jerk then proceeds to THROW the tube of toothpaste at me!! I just snapped. I turned around and screeched, “What is wrong with you?! Who does that?! OH MY GOD!” I started crying and hyperventilating and headed for the stockroom at the back of the store. The whole time I’m walking I’m crying and saying, “Oh my GOD!” I happened to pass a police officer who followed me into the stock room.
He came in and I was shaking and crying and asked me what happened. I explained to him briefly what had occurred then the EXA (executive assistant manager) came in and I went into more detail (since she would understand the whole coupon fiasco a little more). The officer said, “Unfortunately, other than being a douche, he didn’t commit a crime. But next time you see them, kick ‘em out of the store and call the police. I wish I’d known what happened, I’d’ve followed them out and stopped ‘em and had a little talk with that jerk.” He actually made me feel a little better.
So I went home for my “30 minute” lunch which ended up being an hour. When I came back to work, my co-worker had done a little something to cheer me up. When the jackass threw his toothpaste at me (he hadn’t paid for it, yet) he left his coupon on the counter. So Gabe handed me my Red Bull and said, “Don’t be mad, I was trying to make you laugh.” I looked at the can and he had taken the coupon and taped it to my drink!

Oh, it was great! It certainly helped me laugh about it. Yes, I’m still upset. I work retail, I bust my hump so you can have a good experience when you visit the place where “There’s a Way…” When I’m there, there’s a way to find what you need when you need it. There’s a way to have a nice chat. There’s a way to get great photos, personal products and the right medicine for you or your kids. When I’m working, there’s a way to make your day a little easier and a little brighter. But I also make barely more than minimum wage and I have to deal with stressful people (including my coworkers) all day long!
Where does ANYONE get off throwing things at me?? Where does anyone get off calling me names?? Just because I’m a service clerk does not mean you get to treat me like trash and walk all over me. I work very hard to be nice and make your life easier.
Okay, rant over.