The American INjustice System, Part One: My Experience

*Please note: My son’s father shall be called Bob in order to protect myself from getting into any trouble.

11 days after my son was born, I left New York State and moved to North Carolina to live with family. After I’d been in North Carolina about two weeks I was approached by a sheriff’s deputy who said the father of my new baby “was concerned because he can’t get in touch with you.” I replied, “I’ve been sending him pictures of the baby every day, have communicated with text messages and have talked to him on the phone at least once.” He informed me that he was just doing his job and was glad we were okay and that he would report back with the news.

The next week the sheriff’s department tried to serve me. My son’s father was trying to take custody away from me after 10 months of nearly total absence. A deputy pulled my aunt over claiming she ran a stop sign but really attempting to find me concealed in her car. They rang the doorbell at dark, early morning hours and dark, late night hours when no normal person answers the door unless they are expecting someone. I was advised by a lawyer, off the record, to not answer the door. If I cannot be served, there cannot be a court date.

Unfortunately, that did not fly for the NYS Supreme Family Court. I filed paperwork in North Carolina hoping it would happen before the date in NY. The judge we had was extremely sympathetic and was very accommodating for me because I did not have a lawyer. Yes, “a man who represents himself has a fool for a client.” He called the judge who was given our case in NY and they both decided that the case needed to be tried there because my son was born in NY, therefore that state had jurisdiction.

Eventually, the judge ruled that I had to leave my wonderful full time job with great pay, an extensive support system of family and friends and a secure home to go back to that specific county in NY because my son’s father lived there. My lawyer (read: free, overworked, underpaid, miserable, hate-their-job county worker) was a child-less, selfish and snotty product of this town and a family with lots of disposable income. She yelled at me after refusing to listen, causing me to collapse in tears of frustration, stress and anger. She coerced me to give in to their requests with threats of “court dates until your kid is grown if you don’t just agree.” I moved into an apartment that was falling apart, I had no job for almost 5 months, was getting food stamps and cash assistance from the county as well as WIC food checks. Yup, I was living off the government because the INjustice system thought it would be better for my son.

We moved back at the end of December 2009. I have struggled with minimum wage, part time hours, outrageous rent, foot-dragging county assistance workers and reliable means of transportation since day one. I loathe this small town, ghetto-fied, dying dot on the map of an otherwise beautiful state.

My son, who is now almost 2 years old, sees his father perhaps once a month if he’s lucky. Usually it’s an accident and only happens when Bob* stops by his parents’ house or camp for food and money while Ick is with his “Gamma” and “Papa.”

We have been to court two other times with me finally withdrawing my petition to modify at the advisement of my second court appointed lawyer. My goal in life is to become a Doctor of Pharmacy and that is an education not available to me in this county which I cannot leave without court papers allowing me to do so.

In order to get that permission I must prove the following: better job, home, daycare, doctor, and a full support system of friends and family. His father, meanwhile, has only to live here. He doesn’t even have to see our son or interact with him or be a parent in any fashion to keep my son from living a better life. Like most parents, I want my son to have a better adult life than I do. To do that, I must give him the advantages of freedom of choice that money provides. In NY I have no family except my sister who is here temporarily and will be gone before winter. I have two friends whom I rarely see. The “support system” is nothing more than my son’s paternal grandparents.

Ah, yes. The driving force behind Bob’s actions in court: the general deceit, outright lies and ridiculous claims. These seemingly sweet, small town folks want their grandson down the street more than they want him to have a better life than can be obtained in a place where a business closes down every week and the census has shown a mass-exodus for the last five years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your grandchildren or any family near you. It’s what I want for myself to be honest. There is something wrong with telling the mother of your grandson, “Why do you want to get a PharmD? It’s really hard, you know. Why don’t you just be a pharmacy technician? You can make like $13 an hour.” Yes, because an hourly wage is better than a six figure salary, isn’t it? Yes, it’s good to strive for low class when your dreams are upper-middle class. Yes, it’s perfectly okay to settle for a job any adult can do when you have the intelligence and drive to be more and go farther.

I will attend classes starting this fall in preparation of transferring to a university with a PharmD program. When I have gone as far as I can in this Yankee podunk town, I will once again file a petition to modify with the American INjustice system and hope for the best.

My experience with the American INjustice System has been heart breaking. I have been stripped of dignity, I have been shown in a light of cruelty and heartlessness and I have been coerced by the very people who were sent to help. In fact, the judge told me I was destroying my son with my petition and repeated court appearances. There has been no justice, only prejudice. My second lawyer said, “The law is what it is and we have to work within it. There are precedents that dictate how these kinds of cases go. If I could change the law, I would. But it is what it is and until it changes, we have to work within it as best we can.”

That is a cop out and an excuse. Precedents are merely that: previous decisions on cases that are guidelines and do not apply to every single case. We have amendments for a reason. We have political figures that make laws every day and change them, too. We can change the American INjustice System with passion, common sense and representatives who are in tune with the people they are representing.

Coming Soon… Part Two: Criminal Cases of the American INjustice System