Wanderlust

That's probably not the right word for it, but it feels like that.

I want to drive and keep going.

I want to see the sights, buy souvenirs, and laugh with the window open and the radio up.

I want to see a new town and meet new people who don't know me.

I want to see who I could be in someone else's eyes.

The endless potential of a friendly stranger

But I want more than that.

I want a father for my son.

I want that father to be a good man to me.

I want friends who will come by for coffee. Who want to talk to me and actually do talk to me.

I want to know that even though we're busy we can find half an hour to catch up.

I want to go shopping and not buy anything but try on everything.

I want it all.

It feels like a lot to ask but at the same time like it's not quite enough.

I really am happy with my life.

But for tonight I'm going to dream of open highway, someone special in the passenger seat and my little man giggling from the backseat. I'm going to dream of walking through the fall trees as they shed their gorgeous leaves and of hot apple cider. I'll dream of kisses, open windows and loud music. I'll dream of finding a place where my desire to leave it all behind finally lays down and stops pulling at me.

No matter where I go, there I am.

The only thing I can't escape is myself.

And now you know the kernel of truth behind my wanderlust.