Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Adventures in Babysitting: Lessons Learned

I'm constantly talking about how I want to have more kids. I hope to meet a good man, get married and have a couple more kids. Since I'm not even dating (and have no prospects!) this desire is kind of far in the future. I know Ick will be much older than any siblings he may have and today gave me a taste of that.

One thing I learned today: Friendship is beautiful.

I babysat for my best friend Shaggy since it's summer time and her mother-in-law was unavailable to watch Jeremy, her 6yo son. I've known them since Jeremy was only 6 or 7 months old, and he loves Ick since he's known him since before he was born. They get along really well because Jeremy loves to show off what he knows and Ick does everything Jeremy does!

Another thing I learned today: Kids love to tattle!

My sister said, "When I was little I never understood why grown ups said it was wrong to tattle on others. Now I know it's to keep kids from coming to you about every single little thing!" She is so right. It's not about not telling an adult when someone else is doing something wrong, it's about settling your own super-minor disputes.

Something else I learned today: Kids will brave hypothermia to play in a pool in the summer however small it may be.



Now, I don't have a lot in the way of entertainment for a 6yo, but it was chilly, overcast and occasionally rainy so I figured we'd be inside all day. We only spent about 15 minutes outside on the toddler play-set because it started to rain. Less than 30 minutes later I was being bugged about the kiddie pool! I finally relented, poured countless buckets of water into the plastic tub as both the boys splashed it right back out! After an hour both of them were ice cold and shivering.

We went inside to eat popsicles, snuggle under blankets on the couch and watch 101 Dalmatians. By this time Ick was exhausted. I'd woken him up early when Jeremy got here and he spent the whole day on "full steam ahead" trying to keep up with a kid twice his age. I couldn't figure out why Jeremy kept complaining that we were watching a movie until his mom texted me when she got home saying he passed out in the car within minutes and his dad had to get him out and carry him inside because she couldn't wake him up.

Last lesson for today: Ick needs more interaction with kids his own age.

He's grabby, demanding and bad at sharing. He's unfailingly polite, though! After taking something he says, "Thank you!" and if he hears anything remotely sounding like a sneeze he says, "Bless you!" But some lessons only sink in with practice.

Today was rougher than my usual days, but not by much. It only reinforced my desire to have more kids. The age difference showed me how great it can be to have a big brother that much older.

Now, to find a man....!

Friday, June 22, 2012

A Letter to the Editor Regarding No Child Left Behind


Note: Yes, it's long. It's an English assignment with a requirement of at least 900 words. I hope you enjoy it anyway!


To the editor:
     “We're drowning in information and starving for knowledge.” -Rutherford Rogers. No Child Left Behind is a catchy name; it has you imagining groups of children with their teachers looking out for them, making sure they learn everything they need to move to the next level of education. The truth is not so romantic and can actually devastate our society.

     This policy was implemented in my hometown’s schools after I graduated high school. It had been tossed around my school district for years and I heard my parents discussing it which is what brought it to my attention. I didn’t understand it then but the name made me want it. Uninformed as I was, it sounded perfect. It meant not failing a class or being held back. It meant making sure all the kids did well on tests and papers.

     A few years after I graduated, one of my older sisters, Becca told me about how the policy made it difficult for her to give students their earned failing grades. At her middle school, they posted grades online allowing parents and students to see them as soon as tests and assignments were graded. Within minutes of posting grades, Becca would be inundated with emails and phone calls from parents full of arguments like, “You have to pass them eventually, so just pass them now!”

     While I don’t have any specific examples of personal experience, I do have my daily interactions with young people between the ages of six and 25. The children of my friends enter 3rd and 4th grade without being able to read or do math at that level. People I speak to in online forums for parents write like they are still in middle school and cannot express themselves in a way that shows they earned a high school diploma. Teenagers and young adults who hold jobs at my local businesses speak like they learned English just last year when they’ve grown up right here in Utica, NY.

     I have always been one for proper spelling and grammar because it is the language we speak and the way we communicate with those around us. Without good communication you have a breakdown in basic systems including familial and romantic relationships. When faced with ignorance, I try to gently teach the correct way to spell words or express ideas and feelings. Sometimes I’m met with disdain and name-calling and other times I’m met with outright hostility. I’ve asked those hostile people why they choose to remain ignorant and usually I get sarcasm or more hostility. Even intelligent people can look stupid if they haven’t been taught in a way that they are able to learn all that is being given. That applies to more than just English. It applies to knowing the history of the world we live in, the science behind the workings of the world, social studies of the people who populate it and the math we use every day to do simple tasks. The most important thing to remember is that ignorance is not stupidity. Ignorance the absence or lack of knowledge, it is not a name to be called in an argument. Ignorance is the result of an education that caters to laziness like No Child Left Behind.

     One reporter, Sheena Dooley from the Quad City Times in Illinois, talks about how many states are lowering their own academic standards. She reports, “Iowa and Illinois are among numerous states skirting a federal law meant to boost student achievement by lowering the target scores pupils must meet, according to a recently released report. Researchers at the Policy Analysis for California Research, a nonprofit organization, said that lowering standards inflates the number of pupils who pass state tests. Those tests are used to judge the performance of a school, as required under the federal ‘No Child Left Behind Act.’” (Dooley) While allowing states to set their own standards that are approved at a federal level is a step in the right direction, it should go further. Setting the state standard low so that low income, underachieving, urban schools will pass robs other students of higher goals and more education, especially when teachers aren’t allowed to teach more than what is on those tests. Letting specific districts set goals that are approved at state and then federal levels would go even farther to ensuring a more fair assessment of the education that students are receiving and would allow them to tailor their goals based on the needs of local students.

    The same reporter also talks about the gaps in her state’s scores compared to the federal standards, “The study compared fourth-graders' results on state tests with those on the National Assessment for Educational Progress, or NAEP, a federal test used to measure student performance across all states. In Iowa, researchers found gaps of 38 percent and 45 percent in the number of students who passed reading and math, respectively. Illinois mirrored those figures with a 35 percent gap in reading and a 47 percent differential in math.” (Dooley) Illinois is not the only state lowering their standards to make sure their students pass, however. It’s hard not to want to do that when the school’s funding depends on passing those standardized tests, but public school funding is a separate topic. These statistics show that because of lower goals, Illinois and Iowa are graduating students with a lesser education than those from other states with higher goals.

     Upon my recent decision to become an educator myself, I did some research into the subject in order to get a little more involved. I realized the real-life implications are perilous. While my sister refused to give in to those parents, some teachers don’t want to fight parents or don’t have the strength to continue the fight for their students’ education. These teachers will give passing grades to students even though they haven’t learned the material. While this hasn’t affected me personally yet, I definitely foresee this being a problem. Since I am a parent and will be an educator in a few years, I will be actively involved with this issue for the rest of my life.

     Being a parent, I understand the desire to give my child everything. I understand wanting him to have lots of friends, to be accepted and not to be held back or failed in a grade. I know the desire to prevent him from feeling disappointment, unworthiness and other negative feelings. However, his ability to spell common words, do basic math, know the history of the world around him and understand the scientific workings of that world are more important than a few bad feelings. As parents we equip our children with the tools to deal with disappointments and failures and the desire to make their own place in the world. As educators we give them the knowledge to go out into the world to make that place. When you get to college, you get it right or you fail. At your job, you don’t get endless chances to get a task right, you get fired. As a soldier, you get it right or you can die.

     While this issue hasn’t yet affected me personally, I know it will affect me when I start to teach, and when my child starts attending school. You can help prevent or fight against this policy through PTA meetings, contacting the school board and getting together with other parents and teachers who want to end this path towards a “non-education.” No Child Left Behind creates ignorant adults without motivation and entire generations of unskilled workers. Without highly educated people, who has the wherewithal to run a country or further our study of the universe around us? I once thought it sounded like a smart idea, to make sure lessons were taught until every student grasped the concept. Now I know it’s about pushing our youth through years of schooling with a piece of paper at the end that is becoming more and more worthless. An unearned education is not an education at all, merely a 12 year prison sentence to be suffered.

Sincerely,
A Future Educator of Your Children



Works Cited
Sheena Dooley “Report: Iowa, Illinois lower bar on student scores” Students First. 12 January 2006, 25 June 2012 http://www.studentsfirst.us/news/contentview.asp?c=181547

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Meaning of Life


     The last year and half of high school, I didn’t live with my dad and step-mom, I’d moved out. I lived in an apartment paid for by my best friend Linda’s mother. It was her 17th birthday present and just my luck, her mom needed help paying the rent on it. Using money from my retail job, I got to live cheaply in a nice place that was not ruled by parents. Linda and I were inseparable. We played soccer together on the junior varsity team, our friends were friends and she had a car. We spent many nights in that apartment doing what teenage girls do: baring our souls and hearts with the utmost trust in each other.

     This night began like so many others. We played Mario Kart on her Nintendo 64, listened to the same sad Matthew Good Band song on the radio, ate Ramen and talked boys. Suddenly, however, things turned scary fast. Linda was upset about her current interest, I knew that, but we’d discussed his worthlessness so many times that I couldn’t believe just how upset she still was. Linda brought me a pillow she’d been hiding from me. It was covered in words and pictures drawn in Sharpie. She was and is a talented artist but her choice of expression was so bizarre to me in that moment. She told me about each word, line, quote and image. I started to realize how deep her emotions ran and how much she needed me.

     As I began to use the same words I’d used before, she got angry. Linda was afraid of being alone; afraid of being unloved and afraid people would find out just how much she didn’t love herself. Everything happened so suddenly, I don’t remember how she managed to get the large kitchen knife in her hand. One minute we’re standing in the living room fighting and the next minute she’s backed up against the wall in the kitchen brandishing a huge knife in my face. I distinctly remember thinking, “Don’t be afraid. It’s not you she wants to hurt. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let her turn that around on herself. Don’t be afraid.” In that vein, I started yelling at her.

     “Go ahead! You’re really that mad? You really want to use that thing? Well do it, then! I’m standing right here and I’m not stopping you. Cut me if you want, but who else will bother to tell you the truth when you need it and lie to you when you don’t?” She really started to cry then, let me take the knife and balled up on the floor, defeated and defended at the same time.

     After my mother’s death when I was 8, I’ve done all I can for those around me who try to choose death over life. I know what it’s like to be the one left behind and I refuse to be that again when there’s something to be done about it. Linda is now in a loving, happy and committed relationship and following her own dreams of art. I’ve taken my friend Lynn, 30, with Type 1 diabetes to the hospital many times when she’s let her blood sugar get so out of control her doctor said she would have died if I hadn’t brought her. She used to get that way after thinking about her unfair life of pills and shots since she was seven, her inability to get pregnant and give birth and wondering if she’ll find someone who doesn’t care about all that. She’s now taking good care of herself and living her life happily. I’ve prevented another suicide in the form of an ex-boyfriend Alex, 38, who is currently a father-to-be again after 20 years, a grandpa-to-be and an uncle-to-be, all within the next three months. He is also pursuing a degree in nursing to be able to better provide for his new daughter the way he couldn’t provide for his first two children.

     Regardless of my seeming optimism, I’ve never been one to say that life isn’t hard. My own experiences aren’t rare but they have shown me how easy it really is to decide to take your own life. Barely hanging on at the end of your rope with no one to turn to and nowhere to go is a scary place. Even if you only feel like that’s where you are. Suicidal thoughts and tendencies don’t only affect hormonal teenagers like my first experience. They claw their way into the brains and hearts of educated adults with loving families like Lynn. They creep in and settle into the hearts and minds of fathers who feel like they’re not good enough for their kids and don’t know how to change themselves for the better like Alex.

     I’ve learned how to deal with these situations through trial but thankfully without error. I know that I was given those chances with those people for a reason and not just to be there for them. I’ve also been the one contemplating fatal actions. However, these experiences have taught me that no matter how futile we think our lives are, or unloved we think we may be, someone does care and our lives do have meaning. I’ve managed to find my meaning in pursuing a degree to be a teacher. I want to change the lives of children. I want to be the teacher they remember years later as their own kids start school. I want to be the voice in their heads that prevents them from becoming the ignorant youth I see myself surrounded by today. I’ve also found meaning in the eyes of my toddler son. Everything I do, I do for him. No matter how difficult my life gets, I know that when he grins at me and calls me “Mama” I am the entire world even for one small person. Each life has its own personal meaning and only by living will we find it.

Final note: If you find yourself thinking suicidal thoughts or feeling totally alone, please call 1-800-273-8255 to talk to a volunteer who chooses to be there for you. PostSecret is also a wonderful resource for hope and finding others who feel the way you do. Or you can talk to me. I’m always willing give advice or just lend an ear. You can find me at mamapoodle09@gmail.com and @MamaPoodle on Twitter.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I May Be Getting Ahead of Myself...

... But I have been looking up and reading about how to write a good lesson plan. I'm doing background reading, research and finding some amazing tips! So I'm only in my first semester of my associates degree, but I'm just too excited to get down to the business of learning to teach.

I'm taking basic courses, but I'm so excited to get to the nitty-gritty of teaching. I can't wait until the fall when the college's bookstore has more stuff in stock so I get to making my own supplies. I'm going to be the best prepared student when my 3rd year gets here! Hah!

Do you have any good sites I can visit for lesson plan ideas, teaching aids, etc? Let me know! I'd love to create a page for them here on my blog.

Here's a great one I found on Bloom's Taxonomy! Please share your knowledge, I'd greatly appreciate it. You homeschool moms will have some awesome resources, I bet! wink, wink

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sugar Free Mocha

My 3rd cup today! Don't judge...
See how chocolatey it looks? Mmmm!
This is an iced mocha. Just add ice to the cup before anything else!



Are you or is someone you know at risk for diabetes or do you struggle with being overweight? Diabetes is prevalent on both sides of my family as is a tendency to be overweight. While I am not currently considered at risk, I do have diabetic tendencies like I shake and feel weak when I haven’t eaten or not long after consuming too much sugar. I also have struggled with being overweight for about ten years, even more so after my son was born. Many parents know that pain of losing pregnancy weight. With the advice of family, I started doing research on the Atkins diet. I’ve read the book written by Dr. Atkins as well as the new version released only recently as new scientific discoveries have been made since the 1960s. Using the invaluable resources on the internet, I've read about research projects and their findings on how the human body is affected by the Atkins diet versus a low fat or an unrestricted diet. I’ve joined the Atkins online community to learn more about recipes, the struggles of others and how our bodies react to certain foods. It only took a few months for me to realize this was the best course for me. A low-carbohydrate, no sugar diet to improve my health, balance my blood sugar and lose weight. One of the best concoctions that adheres to this diet is of my own design, a coffee drink I call a sugar free mocha.

Everyone likes a treat now and then and it’s possible to have one even on a diet that has sugar restrictions. Sugar free mochas are my favorite drink, hot or iced. It’s a delicious way to start my morning or finish off a rough day without consuming high amounts of sugar.

Before we begin, you’ll need some basic items to make your own. Make sure to have a coffee pot and filters, a cup of some sort to drink from and a teaspoon. As for ingredients, you’ll need your favorite ground coffee, heavy whipping cream or half and half, baking cocoa and Splenda. I prefer heavy whipping cream because it is creamier than half and half, however both have no sugar. Milk of any percent has natural sugars and should not be used. Also, the lower in fat a dairy product is, the more sugar is added to make it taste better.

Consuming sugar, natural or otherwise, will make your blood sugar rise even before you swallow. Your digestive system, starting with your saliva, starts the digestive process immediately. The higher your blood sugar on average, the more at risk for diabetes you are. Consuming natural fats does not make you fat. It is a huge myth that is very hard for people to look past. Your body needs natural fats to function. It will break down natural fats to its smallest building blocks that are used by even your cells. This is the same reasoning for using Splenda instead of sugar. I prefer Splenda to Sweet & Low because it doesn’t have the strange taste of saccharine. Using baking cocoa is also important because it has no added sugar at all.

First, I like to start off with an already chocolate flavored coffee like Folger’s Chocolate Truffle but if you want this at night before bed, just substitute regular coffee for a decaffeinated version. I also like my coffee very strong so I use about seven teaspoons of coffee in the filter to the 12 cups of water my pot uses. When the coffee is done, I get out the biggest cup I can find. It’s about 20 ounces.

Next, using the teaspoon I put two to three scoops of the baking chocolate into the cup and Splenda to taste. For a cup the size of mine I use four teaspoons of Splenda. I find Splenda sweetens more than sugar, but it boasts that it sweetens the same, so be sure to use it conservatively because you can always add more at the end. Splenda is more powdery than granulated sugar so it melts faster and better.

Third, I pour in some coffee but no more than a fourth of the cup. The best way to make sure the chocolate melts properly and doesn’t float to the top is to mix it with just a little bit of hot liquid. I learned this in seventh grade home economics. I stir it quickly and firmly until all the chocolate is wet and well mixed. Once, in a rush, I just poured the whole cup of coffee. It wasn’t so much a mocha as clumps of unsweetened, bitter chocolate on top of a cup of coffee. It really wasn’t very good.

After melting the cocoa correctly, I fill the cup with coffee leaving room for the cream. I add enough to lighten the mixture and take the edge off the bitterness of the coffee. When having a mocha from a coffee shop like Dippin Donuts, I enjoy a little bitterness in the taste. When I’m making it at home, however, I like it sweet and creamy. Remember the chocolate will make the coffee darker than normal so don’t use too much cream. Too much can make it taste thicker than you’d like.

Last comes the best part, tasting the delicious, chocolaty coffee. If it’s still too bitter I’ll add a little more Splenda but the ultimate result is such an indulgence.

If you’ve followed these directions you have a sweet coffee treat that won’t affect your blood sugar and won’t hurt your bank account like chain coffee shops. Dieting in any form can be tough and when faced with something as life-threatening and life changing as diabetes, it is extremely important to adhere to the diet your doctor gives you. However, knowing you can have treats that are as delicious as their sugar-filled counterparts is an important step to sticking to it. I stick to the Atkins diet because it means a healthy future, teaching my son healthy eating habits and a possible avoidance of Type 2 Diabetes. Living a sugar-free lifestyle has given me the opportunity to find and create mouthwatering creations such as this. Even if you don’t have to or don’t want to eat sugar-free, replacing a few things in your diet like a single cup of coffee can help your body be healthier overall.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Game of Thrones

So with all this talk of Game of Thrones Season 2 starting, I thought I'd start by reading the books. I'd heard good things about them, too. I'm just under halfway through the first book and I couldn't hold off. I've watched two episodes and I'm so hooked.


Boromir from Lord of the Rings (Sean Bean) is the main character. I'd be hooked with just him, but no. Mark Addy plays the King which is hilarious! But he's really good at it, actually. You know, Full Monty? Fred Flinstone? Him! Peter Dinklage is THE best man for the job of Lord Tyrion. He's an amazing actor and plays the ambiguous character SO well. And we have the Queen. I hate her. She's incestuous, conniving, power hungry and flat out evil. But I've been in love with Lena Headey since I saw her in 300 as King Leonidas' wife. I hate that I hate her! lol I wish they'd made her Lord Stark's wife, Catelyn. Oh, and don't forget the adorable wolves. Yes, adorable. Puppies, really.

So there are the people that make this show easy to get into. But the story is so full of twists and characters it's a bit difficult to follow. And don't get me started on the vocabulary. Totally alien words but once you get into it, it's hard to return to real life.

I will say that it's a good thing my 2yo went to bed when he did. HBO = foul language and NUDITY! I mean, cheese and rice I can do without a lot of it. I guess that's paid TV for you.

If you were unsure before about watching this show or not, you should. I love medieval stories. It's called Game of Thrones because it's what the characters are doing: playing their game of thrones. It's deadly and it's bloody, but it's all about power.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

11 Things

The Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random facts about you.
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
4. Create 11 new questions and tag new people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

Okay, so my cousin Lena (at Lovin' My Crazy Life) tagged me in this crazy post full of 11 things: random facts, questions she asked and I answered, and 11 questions for me to ask people to answer. This was way back at the beginning of May and I'm that much of a slacker and procrastinator that it took me a month to do it! But here I am so let's begin, shall we?



11 Random Facts:
(Note: Each fact had like a paragraph of explanation, but I cut them out. It hurt! lol)
1. I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was 16.
2. While I love to write I find that I'm incapable unless I'm writing about something that makes me passionate. The subject has to invoke some kind of strong emotion in me.
3. While it's no surprise that I love bacon, it has to be crispy.
4. I always have at least 7 tabs open at all times in my browser.
5. I have HORRIBLE dental hygiene.
6. I'm long winded. *gasp* I bet you'd never guess that one, huh? :o)
7. I love cartoon monkeys. My son's current nickname is Monkey.
8. I've given up work for school.
9. I'm on the Atkins diet.
10. I'm addicted to coffee and Diet Mountain Dew. One reason I don't sleep at night!
11. I love country music. I love the sounds, the lyrics and the people who play and sing them. There's something to be said for being raised with a country set of morals.

Now, to answer Lena's questions....

1. What is your favorite song and why? My favorite song changes often but right now it’s “Ain’t No Reason” by Brett Dennon. If you haven’t heard it, please go here and DON’T WATCH the video, just listen. Then, play it again but this time watch the video. The truths in the words are brought to life in the images and every time I watch it I'm brought to tears.
2. What Biblical person do you feel you relate to and why? This is a hard question for me because I’m not as familiar with the Bible as I probably should be. I’m going to go with the unnamed woman who washed Jesus’ feet. She was the lowest of the low but He showed her love, compassion and forgiveness in front of everyone. It’s what I hope He shows me when my time on earth is done.
3. How many places have you lived and where was your favorite? I have lived in many states, many cities. My favorite was any town in North Carolina. The weather is beautiful and there are four distinct seasons despite what many people up here in Central New York think. I’ve seen the beauty of fall, the snow of winter, the heat of summer and the renewal of spring. The fact that my family was (and some still are) there is the sweetest part of it all.
4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As I barely hit my double digits I wanted to be a mother and a teacher. I’ve the ‘mother’ part done (heh) and I am in school working towards the ‘teacher’ part.
5. Favorite childhood memory? The happiest times that I remember from before I was 8 was waking up in the “middle of the night” and seeing my mother, sister and brother awake doing things that were so cool only because I thought it was so late at night. I’ve woken up to games of Clue and a snack of pickles, biscuit making sessions and more. I loved that I wasn’t chastised and sent to bed every time, but occasionally allowed to join in before going back to sleep.
6. Where/what is your ‘happy place’? My ‘happy place’ is a toss-up. Right off the bat I’d say snuggling with my 2yo (almost 3!), but these days with his awful tantrums and inability to speak in anything other than a whine leads me to say my happy place is in my bed reading while he’s asleep at night. I rarely get enough sleep myself because I relish the quiet after he’s in bed and try to get as much as I can before surrendering to the new day.
7. What is the most annoying toy you have ever purchased for your child/ren? Most of the things I buy for my son are clothes, movies or small toys. Not much room there for annoying things. Those come from his grandparents! But this child will watch Dumbo a hundred times a day every single day unless I urge him to watch something else. Granted there are only 4 movies on VHS and one of them he broke (Beauty and the Beast! And he won’t stop asking to watch it, the heathen! ;o)), but I’m constantly asking if we can watch Hercules or the Grinch instead.
8. What is your favorite genre of books to read? I have a wide range of interests when it comes to books lately thanks to my Nook and Barnes and Noble’s free eBooks, but the kind easiest for me to get into is science fiction. It’s what I grew up reading from my dad’s personal library and it’s always been easy for me to look ahead to the stars and the far future to a strange yet familiar world(s).
9. Dogs or cats? Oh definitely cats. I love dachshunds but cats will always be my favorite. I love the way they can curl up to half their size or stretch out to twice their length. My son also has an absurd love of cats and fear of dogs. My sister’s dachshund George he loves and mildly terrorizes, but other dogs make him run in unsure fear while cats he will immediately try to pet, hold or love on.
10. What do you hope to achieve by writing a blog? Mostly I write for myself or to share my thoughts on things with whoever reads. Mostly I’d like to show others in my situation (of a single parent) that not only are they not alone, what they’re doing isn’t “wrong” regardless of past choices. My bad decisions have been made by not just me but by countless others. We all fail, we all have triumphs, but we’re all also together. This isn’t a competition, it’s a team sport. Most importantly, I hope to make a change in the life of at least one person. If I make their day just a little brighter, if somehow my words encourage them to do something they hadn’t decided to do to make their lives better, or if it’s nothing more than, “Wow. So it’s not just me?” I’ll be okay with that.
11. Introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between? Um… LOL Both? Majorly both at the same time? I talk so much it’s insane, but what goes on inside my head is nothing compared the amount of words that pass my lips. There are definitely people who think they know me since I’m so free with what I share, but it’s certainly the tip of the iceberg. Online where I can hide behind my screen I’m quite the extrovert. In social situations, I fade into the background still as unsure of myself as I was at 13.


Okay, listed below are the 11 questions I'd like to see answered. Some of them are quite personal. I ask them because they are things I'd love to know about you but if you're not comfortable answering any of them, just say so and leave it at that. :o)


1. If you have kids, what do you find yourself saying to them that your parents said to you that you swore you'd never say? If you don't have kids, same question but instead of "to your kids," "to other people?"
2. What is your favorite (relatively recent) picture of you? Why?
3. Name one parenting topic that really gets you going? Do you side with the majority, the minority, or no one?
4. What is your guilty pleasure? Be honest!
5. How often do you mop in your house? LOL
6. Are you happy in your relationship (or lack thereof)? If not, what do you wish you had the guts to do to change it?
7. When was the last time you watched a sunset or wished on a star with all your heart?
8. What's one of your biggest fears in regards to your child(ren) or future child(ren)? If no kids (and don't want them), how about a fear for your future?
9. I'm gonna borrow some words from Jewel here and ask if you could tell the world one thing, what would it be?
10. When was the last time you saw a movie in a theater sans kids? Is there one out or coming soon you really want to see?
11. When you feel sad or down, what do you do to cheer yourself up?


I'm picking some people I regularly interact with on Twitter and Facebook since I hear from them most often. Some I don't really interact with, but I'd love to see their responses to my questions!

Monique at Razing Mayhem @MayhemMatriarch

Liz at Six Year Itch @sixyearitch
Jen at A Day In the Life...
Keri at Quick-Witted and Witty @skeri
The Biz at And All That Biz @That_Biz (edit: SHE'S BACK on Twitter! YAY!)
Brooke at Some Days Is Like That @SchoolmarmDE
Michael at A Daddy Blog @adaddyblog


Anyone else who happens upon this blog is welcome to respond via their own post or merely answer the questions in the comments. I think these questions can reveal a lot while still allowing you to keep your mystery... ;o)

Friday, June 1, 2012

Procrastination and Its Fruits

Edit: The following is the comment from my teacher after grading my essay:"Kathryn,
Your personal narrative essay based on the exercise describing your educational goals has earn this enthusiastic A for the excellent development of your academic background and current efforts to achieve your plans for the future. It is easy to see why you were once enrolled In a creative writing course. Bravo, Kathryn!
The elements of first-person viewpoint and effective storytelling will be prominent features of upcoming assignments.  Your next opportunity to practice these skills will be in the process assignments due this coming week. I look forward to reading." 


The following essay is the first major essay assigned by my English 101 Composition class in my first semester returning to college. The assignment is a personal narrative essay and the topic is Where and How to Learn: My Educational Background. Basically, what's your background and attitude, how did it change, what changed it, how did you learn from your experiences and what is your attitude now? I am very proud of this work as far as style and content. I hope you enjoy it as well. 

     As I sit here looking at my assignment board full of multicolored reminders of what is due when, it’s like coming home: I’m comfortable, confident and I know it’s where I should be. My deep love of learning and all the trappings that come with it have been denied for years due to an overwhelming apathy. Horace Greeley said it precisely, Apathy is a sort of living oblivion. “

     My mother passed away when I was eight, my father and step-mother were less than stellar in my eyes and I grew wary of their military and college educated, 9-5 lives. When I was barely into my double digits I decided I wanted to be a teacher and a mother in whatever order they managed to happen. I’d loved every teacher I ever had and longed to prove that I could be a better parent than those I was stuck with and the one who “left me behind,” as I saw it through my childish eyes. As time wore on and I grew up, I lost all passion in the struggle to live in a place where I felt unloved and utterly miserable. I focused on friends and ignored school enough to do well without excelling.

     In 2001 I graduated from my Dallas, TX high school as apathetic as it’s possible to be. We had all heard from parents and teachers that after high school you go to college; no reason why, that’s just how it’s done. My apathy led to enrollment in a community college because I’d never applied to any universities, leading to years of more apathy and procrastination.

     I knew I wanted to be a teacher but I was consumed with life. I had a job, my own apartment, dreams of my own car and friends who were not in school. I went to college the fall after graduation but failed a couple of classes for poor attendance and not turning in homework. I still had the bad habit of apathetic procrastination. I slept through 8am classes, didn’t turn in essays for creative writing, and dropped a history class. I went back the following fall with the same results. I skipped my evening class because after work I was too tired to go or wanted to hang out with my roommate and friends. I thought, “I pay for school with no financial aid or help from anyone. Who cares? I’m not wasting anyone’s money but mine, so what difference does it make?” So I decided that perhaps school wasn’t where I needed to be. I made enough money in my retail jobs to get by and still have a little fun.

     For eight years I moved around to many states including Florida, Tennessee and North Carolina. I stayed with family and friends and worked until I found myself in Central New York forced to stay due to personal circumstances. I’d moved to Utica because I knew someone here and thought it was as good a place as any. In the four years I was here I moved away and back twice. The last time I moved away was four days after the birth of my son, James. His father fought for shared custody of this tiny being that had depended solely on me since his creation, and a court order brought me back to Utica in the hopes I would be here just long enough to win custody and go back to my job with a promising future and family surrounding me. Almost three years and three custody losses later I was unemployed, still formally uneducated and desperate for a court acceptable reason to leave Utica. Despite zero involvement with his son and a total disregard for the custody he’d fought for, my son’s dad won every time I tried to get the judge to understand my reasoning for wanting to leave. The apathy had disappeared the moment I laid eyes on my own little miracle, and I knew my life needed direction with me taking the lead. But procrastination is a habit that’s a little harder to break.

     Every January for three years I applied to MVCC and faithfully completed my FAFSA and TAP applications, but since I’d always had a job I figured everything would be fine. The last job I held was great and it paid well. I thought it would turn into something permanent despite the “temporary/contract” tag on the end. I didn’t think I could handle a toddler, a full time job and full time schooling, anyway. When the contract was closed I knew there would be no more excuses because the decision had been made for me; I could live as a welfare mom, or make a change. January of this year, I redid my FAFSA and TAP applications; made sure I was still accepted to MVCC and got everything done. For fear I’d find a job and therefore another excuse to put off my life goals, I made sure to start as soon as possible: this summer.

     I had finally realized that if I wanted to leave this dying area and bring my son with me, I could no longer live paycheck to mouth and put off an education that would allow me to create a better life. I’ve always enjoyed learning even if I didn’t enjoy high school. Life experience has taught me that yes, you do go to college after high school, but it also taught me why: Even if you don’t immediately pursue a career, having that education opens more doors than simply a diploma. I still could have lived the life I had but with the option of settling down as soon as it was necessary. As it was, the life I lived was the only one I saw available to me without a college education.

     Looking around me I see the detritus of a parent. There are toys, dishes, clothes everywhere. Crayons and pens are scattered over scribbles drawn by the most precious fingers in the world. By working to realize my own pre-adolescent dreams of becoming a teacher in addition to the mother I already am, I know that MVCC is exactly where I need to be. All apathy has vanished and procrastination has no place here. Here is where I begin building the life I want and my son needs.